Tue | Oct 23, 2018

DEAR COUNSELLOR: I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship

Published:Tuesday | March 29, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. In the beginning, I was cautious about the guy and took it slowly but surely with him until we both got comfortable. I started opening up more which allowed the relationship to blossom. Everything seemed to be going well until one day I was getting my hair done and left my phone at home. As usual, a girl's hair will take about six hours so I was unable to communicate with anyone during that period. When I got home, I decided to text him to check up on him but no response came. It was getting late and I started to worry so I kept on calling and texting to no avail.

Then I reached out to his family and friends to see if any of them had seen him and no one had seen or heard from him. About 24 hours after trying to contact him, he finally responded by letting me know that I shouldn't have contacted his family. He uses curse words a lot when talking to me especially when he is upset. He explained that he was upset that I took over six hours to reach out to him in one day and said that he didn't want to talk to me again. This was not the first time he behaved like that. He also thinks I am cheating (which I am not) and he kicked me out of the house and actually hit me with his hands.

At the end of all this, the constant emotional abuse, I still love him and want to go back to him. I anxiously wait for him to contact me. What should I do?

A: You have identified that you are in an abusive emotional relationship. He does not trust you. He uses disrespectful language to you and has hit you. In addition, he gave you march orders. What more evidence do you need to leave him and move on?

A relationship must be based on trust. He cannot expect that he has to be in touch with you every hour of the day.

He needs to get mature and ask questions before jumping to conclusions.

Something is wrong with you emotionally that you would want him back and are waiting on a call from him. Perhaps you lack self-esteem or you love punishment. He should be the one to ask you for forgiveness and be begging you to come back to him.

Otherwise you can expect similar behaviour. In fact, it might get worse and your life might be in danger.

You need counselling. Please do not return to an emotionally abusive relationship.