Sun | Feb 25, 2018

Dead beat dad now wants to be part of my life

Published:Saturday | April 16, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I must say I enjoy reading your column. I now have something I want to share. My father whom I haven't seen for years is now back in the picture. I remembered the time my mother had to struggle to keep meals on the table for my sister and myself. One time, I even went to visit him where he lived with his other child's mother and asked him for money to go to school.

He told me he didn't have it and to tell my mother to stop sending me to him.

I was 14 at the time and, trust me, from that day, I told myself I did not have a father. My mother struggled with the both of us and now in another year, I will be a doctor and my sister is now in her final year of sixth form.

The people in my community shower praises on my mother for fighting with us and tell her how proud they are of us.

My father is now back in the picture saying he is sorry for the way he treated us and is asking to be part of our lives again. I don't need him. We made it this far without him, but my mother who is a Christian says we should forgive him. I don't know how she can be so forgetful of the hell he put her through.


Dear J.M.,

Congratulations on you both staying focused and making your mother and your community proud.

Anyway, I do believe your mother is right. You may never be able to look at him as the kind of father you can admire or even be close to, but you can tell him that you have forgiven him for the way he treated you and your sister.

I am not saying you are going to be bosom buddies - if you can get to a place where you begin to even like him, then that's good.

Give him a chance, listen to what he has to say and then you can tell him what his actions did to you.

It is time to start the healing process.


I feel uneasy about one of my wife's friend

Dear Joan,

Greetings. I have a problem I am hoping you can help me with. I would not classify myself as a jealous person, but my wife has a friend whom she knows from they were kids growing up. He now lives in Canada and they have kept in touch over the years. Whenever he comes to Jamaica, she is the first person he calls. I think he is a decent person and I am feeling a bit guilty for my ungracious thoughts.

I think they are too close. He is married and when his wife comes on the trip with him, he takes her over and we have a good time. I don't mind when his wife is here, but when he comes alone, I have a problem.

The two go out sometimes and they always seem so close. I think I am the only person she should have that kind of camaraderie with. I am tempted to ask her if she has feelings for him. Should I ask or find a way to deal with my jealousy.


Dear I.Y.,

They have been friends since childhood and he is married to someone else. Someone he loves! Don't you think if there was some big romance in the works, that closeness would have transcended to be making her his wife? I think you should respect their friendship and not build something that doesn't exist in your head. He took his wife to meet you. You have admitted that he seems to be a 'decent person', there must be something about him why you would say that. Also, if you can say that about him, what about your wife? Isn't she decent too?

Don't ask your wife anything, this will cause problems in your marriage. find a way to deal with your jealousy and give your wife the benefit of the doubt.


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