Sat | Mar 24, 2018

Faith Counsellor: I want the same level of love from my husband

Published:Saturday | May 7, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am a bit upset with my husband. He just doesn't get it. I want him to treat me the same way that I treat him.

Whenever it is his birthday, I go out of my way to ensure that it is a special one for him. At one time, I even planned with some of his friends and threw him a surprise birthday party. On my birthday, all he did was tell me happy birthday, saying he did not have any money.

On our anniversary, I try to do nice things for him, and he doesn't get me anything. Granted, I am working but he works on and off. I try not to pressure him, but I would just love to be pampered and surprised one of the times.

Am I being unreasonable?

- H.N.

Dear H.N.,

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I don't want to respond without having all the facts. You say he is working on and off, but what I don't know is how long the span is between the two. Because, to be fair to him, if it takes a while for him to earn, then he would have some needs for himself, plus I would think he has to contribute towards the food and bills too.

Yes, you want to be pampered and surprised, but if financially he is not able to, then I think he could find creative ways of honouring your days.

He could prepare a nice meal, candles, a bottle of wine, and then shower you with love and attention after.

Unfortunately, some men think that they need lots of money for gifts, not realising that it is the little thoughtful gestures that count.

Don't be too hard on him. You could help by dropping some strong hints the next time your special day comes around.


Fed up of our childless marriage

Dear Joan,

I am feeling very despondent. My husband and I have been married for more than 14 years and after all the many attempts for me to get pregnant, nothing.

I am feeling so depressed. Right now, it seems as if I have to give up on that dream as I am now 44 years old and that has not happened yet. My husband is a bit older and he has not fathered a child either. I am so afraid that he may look outside to remedy the situation. We are both Christians and he reassures me that he has no such intention, but I can't get rid of the insecurities that have been plaguing me. I feel useless and the house just feels hallow without a child in it.

- D.T.

Dear D.T.,

I don't think you should give up on being a mother. You don't have to give birth to be a parent. Haven't you been reading the papers with the many children being abandoned and abused? They need a home such as yours where they will receive a whole lot of love. I think you should brooch the topic to your husband about adopting or being foster parents. You both can bring love and laughter into a child's life and, at the same, time satisfy your own need to be parents.

Stop doubting your husband. If you allow yourself to think this way, then everything he does will soon begin to look suspect.

I do hope you take the plunge and explore the possibility of reaching out to a child.