Thu | Sep 20, 2018

Dear counsellor | I think I hate my wife!

Published:Tuesday | May 10, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q I have been married for nine years and six months. We have two children, both boys. My wife seems to believe that I am some sort of a 'Mr Fix It' around the house. I must do the plumbing myself. I must check out the leak on the roof. I must take out the garbage. If there is a cockroach, I must kill it. She wants me to take the children to school and to use my lunchtime to pick them up. When I suggest we get a driver, she does not like the idea because she does not trust a driver. It is out of the question for them to take a bus, and though she works closer to the school, she thinks it is a man's job to pick the children up from school and do all the other things I mentioned.

Whenever I complain, she tries to butter me up and says things like, she has confidence in me and that is why she wants me to do all these things. My wife also thinks that I should take care of all the expenses of the house. Sure, I can afford to do so, but I think she should make a contribution as well. She thinks otherwise and her money is spent only on herself and to buy gas for the car. I think I hate my wife. I really do. I just stay in the marriage because of the children. I am just waiting for the day I can finally get out of this terrible marriage.

A It is clear that you have a wife who misunderstands the role of her husband. She thinks you are there to fulfil her needs. She does not have your interest at heart. She wants a handyman. You need urgently to visit a counsellor. You need a partnership in financial matters. You need to make a budget and share the expenses and agree on expenditure. There needs to be a fair distribution of housework and a practical sharing of the dropping off and picking up of the children. In other words, if you drop off the children then she should pick them up. The boys need to see that she is involved in their development. Finally, how she is treating you is not a good example for the children. It is not good to hate your wife, so try and get rid of the bitterness.

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