Doctor's Advice | My classmates want to 'roast' me
Q Doc, I would like your fatherly advice. I am female, age 17, and I know very little about sex. Other students laugh at me because they say I am so naive. I am really shy. I am also a virgin. In fact, no one has ever kissed me. But now, two of the boys (who are a little older than me) have told me that they are going to make me 'honoured' among my classmates.
The guys keep telling me how attractive and sexy I really am. No one has ever said this to me before, Doctor, so, I now feel better about myself.
I asked them how they are going to 'honour' me. They said that they would do it by helping me to experience something that no other girl in my class has done.
I then asked them what that was. They said that they are going to show me great honour by 'roasting' me. I do not know what that means. When I enquired of them, they just laughed and told me I would have to wait a little longer to find out.
What is it all about, Doctor? Can you explain it to me?
A: My poor, shy girl, you are being made fun of by these unpleasant boys. What is happening is that they are grooming you for sex.
Teenage girls are often 'groomed' by guys who have bad intentions towards them. What usually happens is that the groomer picks a young woman who doesn't feel good about her appearance and has low self-esteem. It helps if she doesn't know much about sex.
Then the groomer praises her extravagantly, tells her how good looking and sexy she is, and generally makes her trust him. Then, when the young woman is totally in his control, he strikes.
In this case, you have two groomers, and they have made you feel that they are going to do something really good for you, something that will make the other girls respect you and look up to you.
But what exactly is it that they are proposing to do with you? They describe it as 'roasting'.
I must tell you that procedure isn't very nice. The term roasting refers to an activity in which two males have sex with a female simultaneously. One of them penetrates her vaginally, and at the same time, the other one penetrates her orally. Very often, accomplices take photos - so that the two men can show other people what they have done.
I believe that the term roasting is used because of the fact that the unfortunate woman is in a position rather similar to that of a hog or an ox that is being 'spit-roasted'. As I think you can understand, this is a pretty undignified activity to be trapped in.
You will NOT gain any respect or honour by being treated like that. Indeed, I fear that your classmates will laugh at you and say that it was foolish of you to be taken in by these two cruel tricksters.
Please have nothing to do with this unkind plot. Tell that pair of guys, 'No way!' Do not let them sweet-talk you. If they have another try at convincing you, pay them no mind.
Please try to find someone older at your college or your church who is trustworthy and in a position of authority. She (or possibly he) can give you good advice about matters of sex and can help you, over a period of time, to raise your self-esteem, and to value yourself properly.
Indeed, I urge all young women who are shy and reserved to be on the lookout for groomers. These days, they most often make contact with girls via the Internet. But, as in this case, they can make their approaches face to face.
Q Doc, I' m a guy of 20 and I am terrified of asking a girl for a date. In fact, I am pretty scared of women. When I try to talk to one, I get all tongue-tied and start stammering.
I have found that if I get a little drunk, that gives me courage. Do you think it would be a good idea to have a few strong drinks before speaking to a young lady?
A: No, I don't. Quite a lot of young men have found that getting slightly drunk gives them what is often called Dutch courage. In effect, they are using alcohol as a tranquiliser.
If you do this, you may well find that you need bigger and bigger quantities of 'grog' to calm your nerves, and you may actually become an alcoholic.
A far better course would be to go to a good counsellor or therapist who can show you how to calm your nerves naturally by using such techniques as deep breathing or 'mindfulness'. That way, you should soon find that you are able to chat to women - without resorting to booze.
Q A doctor recently put me on Microgynon, which I believe is the Mini-Pill. I looked up Mini-Pill on the Internet and found that you are supposed to take it every day of the year.
Doc, this is not what the instructions in my pack of tablets say. Doctor, can you please advise me because my boyfriend is coming back to Jamaica soon. I shall need protection as we will be having a lot of sex.
A: There has been some confusion here - as is often the case when young women start on the Pill or the Mini-Pill.
Microgynon 30 is definitely NOT a Mini-Pill. It is an ordinary pill. A lot of people are muddled about this.
You do not have to take your Pill every day of the year. You should take it on 21 days out of every 28 - precisely as described on the leaflet in the pack.
Q I am 20, and have to have a circumcision soon because my foreskin gets kind of caught up during sex with my girlfriend.
Doc, I am real concerned about the possibility of pain immediately afterwards - that is, pain when I get erections. I have quite a few erections every day, even when I am not consciously thinking about sex. I guess that it would be agony if I get them while I have stitches in my organ.
Is there any medication that I could take to stop me from having erections for a week or two?
A: Please do not fret. It won't be as bad as you think.
In the old days, surgeons used to give young men special drugs after a circumcision to try to stop them from thinking about sex, but these pills did not work very well, and they had side effects.
I guess it is really unlikely that your surgeon will prescribe any 'anti-erection' tablets for you.
In practice, a guy who has just had a cut in the skin of his penis (and who has stitches in place) is not likely to get many erections for the next few days, and if his organ does start to stiffen, the jab of discomfort which he feels will usually put a quick end to that particular hardening.
However, please do not attempt to have any kind of sex until your surgeon says it is safe to do so.
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