Tue | Sep 25, 2018

Dear Counsellor | I hit her. Does she love me now?

Published:Tuesday | May 17, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have a girlfriend who is 19 years old and I do not believe that she loves me. I will tell her that I love her at least twice a day, but she hardly ever says she loves me. She only smiles when I tell her.

To test her love for me, I told her I would like her to have a child for me. She told me she was not ready for a child. She claims that she wants to finish her education.

Once when I was frustrated because she was not showing me much love, I slapped her. She was very angry; however, she provoked me.

Her behaviour has changed since that incident; so I wonder if she really loves me. I am 24 and in a good job. She is independent, however when we go on dates she allows me to pay the bills. She seems to love to kiss me but I am not sure she loves me. She is sending me mixed signals. How will I know if she really loves me?


A: You should not be surprised that your girlfriend's behaviour has changed since you hit her.

You should not have hit her. It probably has put doubts in her mind about whether you truly love her. She cannot understand how you could have hit her and still say that you love her. She is receiving mixed signals from you. You need to apologise to her for hitting her and promise not to do it again.

Persons express their love in different ways apart from saying it.

Some show love by touching, others by giving gifts, and others by writing notes, etc. You need to appreciate that even as you seek to hear her say 'I love you'.

Try and ascertain why she is reluctant to say 'I love you'. Another thing, it is not a good idea to be testing her love by asking for a child. That is childish.

You should admire your girlfriend for not taking money from you. She has class and she is independent.

You do not have an obligation to be financing her. You should also be proud that she wants to finish her education. You need to slow down in the relationship, let it grow normally, and stop pressuring her.