Thu | Jan 18, 2018

Doctor's advice | Is my girlfriend strange?

Published:Saturday | May 21, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: Hi, doctor. As a guy of 19, I have a little problem with my girlfriend. Sex with her is fantastic, but there is something she does which is real crazy.

The fact is, doctor, she wants other people to see her naked and to see us having sex. For instance, last weekend she insisted that I have sex with her on a public beach. Admittedly, it was pretty deserted, but a few hundred yards away, there were some tourists swimming and sunbathing.

It was obvious that they could see us in the distance. In fact, a young American guy wandered along the sand towards us and called out: "Hi! Are you folks having a nice day?"

I was too embarrassed to reply, but my girlfriend replied: "Yeah, mon! We are having a great time, so watch all you want." I was so ashamed that I lost my erection. I went off and swam in the sea until the American had gone.

Doc, I would like to know why she is like this. I talked it over with her and all she could say was that she has "always loved showing off". Apparently, when she was at school, she got in big trouble for stripping off her clothes in front of the class. Also, with a previous boyfriend, she once had sex in the sea at Port Royal, where people walking on the ramparts could observe them.

I am not sure whether I love this girl, but, I do find her really exciting - except when she goes too far! Do you think she has some kind of medical condition or sickness which makes her want to be naked and have sex when other people are there?

A: Well, your girlfriend is clearly what psychiatrists call an exhibitionist. The psychological condition which she has is termed 'exhibitionism'.

Is it a sickness? Well, that is debatable. The world's most famous reference work on psychiatric illnesses is an American publication called DSM-5. It classifies your girlfriend's type of behaviour under the heading of 'exhibitionist disorder', but it stops short of actually calling it an illness.

Medical sources suggest that around 4 per cent of men and 2 per cent of women have some kind of exhibitionist disorder. However, we do have to bear in mind that quite a few apparently normal people do quite like the idea of stripping off in public, at least, under certain circumstances. It seems probable that a proportion of professional 'strippers' are women who have a strong streak of exhibitionism.

So, summing up, your girlfriend is not sick, but she is showing a pattern of behaviour which could get her into a lot of trouble. In all countries, exhibitionistic men and women are liable to run into problems with the police. And if the cops caught you and her having sex in public, both of you could well be prosecuted.

There is a further danger associated with having sexual relations in a public place. There have been some instances in which young couples who were 'at it' on a beach were then waylaid by hoodlums who thought that this afforded them an opportunity to gang bang the unfortunate girl. A dreadful case of this occurred in Thailand recently.

So, I am pointing out to you that if you continue to participate in your young lady's exhibitionistic behaviour, you could well wind up in some real nasty situations, and even in jail.

Therefore, I feel that you should do two things:

- Tell her that you cannot continue with public sex as it is much too dangerous;

- Try to get her to consult a psychotherapist or a youth counsellor who can spend some time helping her to analyse and modify her sexual behaviour.

If she won't seek that sort of help, then I suspect you may have to bring this relationship to an end.

Q: I am female, age 20. For about a year, whenever I have sex I've experienced pain in the lower right-hand part of the belly.

I went to a doctor last week and she told me where it was a cyst on the ovary. Is that serious? Will I be able to have babies, and is it OK to continue having sex?

A: Ovarian cysts are real common in young women. A cyst is just a swelling filled with fluid.

Most cysts on the ovary are harmless and are most unlikely to cause serious trouble.

Some cysts go away by themselves, but if yours doesn't disappear shortly, you should see a doctor, who will perform a little operation to remove it.

To, answer your other questions: Yes, you will be able to have children, and yes, it is OK to continue having sex.

Q: I'm a guy, 16. Doc, I have masturbated quite a lot. Will this harm my mental health?

A: Certainly not! People used to think that a long time ago, but it all turned out to be foolishness.

Q: I was away on a sort of 'girlie weekend'. In fact, it was a hen party for a friend who was getting married.

Doc, I am ashamed to say this. I was feeling really horny, so I borrowed a girlfriend's vibrator to give myself an orgasm.

Will this harm me, doctor?

A: That is real unlikely, however, vibrators are not meant to be shared.

Nevertheless, if your pal had washed and dried her vibrator after her last use of it, it is highly improbable that it could have given you any infection. It couldn't have done you any other harm.

Q: Doc, I got a severe kick in the testicles last week. Today, I noticed some blood in my man-fluid. Help!

A: Try not to fret. The kick must have broken a blood vessel. that is, a tube that carries blood, but the probability is that everything will be OK.

However, you really must see a doctor. He will examine you and (I hope) do a test called an ultrasound scan of the testicles. This is not painful.

After that, he will be able to tell you more. my forecast, however, is that you will be able to lead a normal sex life and, if you wish, have children.

Q: Doc, can you answer a question for me and my female classmates? We want to know if pregnancy can only be caused if a guy gives you 'full penetration'.

One of my friends says that the man's organ must get as far as the very end of the vagina for conception to occur. Is that true?

A: No, it is not true. The male does not have to get all the way in to impregnate the female.

Even if he only deposits his seminal fluid just inside the vagina, pregnancy is very possible. The sperms can swim, you see, and they swim upwards, so take no chances.

Q: Doc, we guys have heard that you should 'blow up' a condom before putting it on to see if it is OK. Is that right?

A: No, it is not right. Blowing into a condom can weaken it or even cause a small tear.

It is unnecessary, so do not do it.