Wed | Jul 18, 2018

Faith Counsellor | Unsaved visitors dressing poorly for church

Published:Saturday | May 21, 2016 | 12:00 AM


Dear Joan,

I need you advise me on a situation that is currently taking place at my church. I want to approach my pastor about something that he allows, but I want to know the right way to do it.

I see unsaved persons coming to church and they are not dressed appropriately. They wear skimpy clothes and they have their breasts showing, yet the pastor does not say anything to them. My gosh! When you are visiting the hospital you can't dress as you like to visit the patients. Strict rules are laid down and if you turn up in sleeveless tops or other skimpy clothes the security guards will not allow you to see that patient. So, if hospital rules can be maintained, why can't the church have some standards? I don't think we should allow persons to come to the house of God dressed like that. If I can see that, why can't my pastor? He is a male so I am wondering if he doesn't mind seeing them like that!

- Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

I have read your letter and, to be frank with you, I am trying to answer you the best way I know how. You are the kind of person who keeps sinners out of the church and makes their pastor's work much harder!

You claim these visitors are unsaved. Have you considered that the reason your pastor has not said anything is that he would rather have these persons in the house of God hearing the word (appropriately dressed or not) than have them go someplace else?

Have you ever approached any of them and tried to be a friend, sharing your faith?

Think twice about going to your pastor. On second thought, maybe you should. Then, he will get the chance to show you the error or your ways. Christians like you make the ministry so hard. You spend your time turning off the unsaved. They would rather go to secular places than come into the house of the Lord.

I am sorry to come down so hard on you, but I am hoping others like you will read and take note.


Do we really need pre-marital counselling?

Dear Joan,

In a few months I will be marrying the love of my life. We are both Christians and are really in love and committed to making our marriage work. However, our parents are insisting that we should get counselling before we walk down the aisle. I know what I want and once I have made up my mind I am committed to it. My fiance is pretty much the same kind of individual. I don't see why we have to get it; it's not like we are unsaved. We are guided by the word of God, so what could go wrong?

- JH

Dear JH,

Your letter brought a smile to my face! It is clear that you have no idea about the journey you both are embarking on. Believe it or not, love does not always conquer all and it is better to arm yourselves with all the tools for survival than be left defenseless.

Counselling is an important element of the marital process. It does not mean that both parties are not committed, nor does it mean you aren't in love. It is just presenting scenarios that might take place in your marriage and showing you ways of dealing with them.

If more persons take the time to engage in pre-marital counselling, the divorce rate might fall.

You have no idea what can happen when you start to 'share space' with someone you have never lived with before. Once the 'honeymoon' phase is over, real life kicks in and with it will come the many challenges that can test a marriage.