Fri | Feb 23, 2018

Faith Counsellor | My husband is selfish

Published:Saturday | May 28, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I have been married for more than 30 years and I never had any problem with my husband. We were best friends before we got married, and throughout our marriage he has been good to me. We have two children. They are now grown and have moved on with their own lives. We always enjoyed a healthy sex life and I have never denied him his husbandly rights.

However, I am now going through menopause and I find that I no longer have an appetite for sex. In fact, penetration hurts. I no longer enjoy the act and he is complaining bitterly as our bedroom activity has dwindled to about once per week, sometimes less.

I tell him to try and understand. He said he does not see what menopause has to do with that. Some nights he insists on having his way and I end up resenting him.

It has reached the point where I am thinking twice about the marriage. How can someone change just like that and over sex?

- Baffled

Dear Baffled,

After 30 years you are thinking of throwing in the towel on someone you classified as your best friend? What friends do is find a way to reach each other. If your husband doesn't get it about the effects of menopause, then it is up to you to get printed materials or surf the Internet together and let him see first-hand what some of the symptoms are.

Have an honest talk with him and reassure him on how much you love him. Remind him how enthusiastic you were before and tell him you will do whatever it takes to satisfy him. You can also explore the option of using vaginal gel to make intercourse more pleasurable. Encourage your husband to make the foreplay last longer and, believe it or not, the more you have sex, the less dry you will be!


My wife is a hypocrite


Dear Joan,

I am beginning to resent my wife a great deal. She is such a hypocrite! Whenever church sisters come to the house I hear her encouraging them to make their husband's welfare a priority and not allow the church to rob valuable family time. Sometimes I want to join the conversation and feel her forehead to see if she is running a fever!

This from the woman I have to be asking, no, begging time and time again to stay home with me on a Sunday night. She is a minister at the church and from where I am sitting she thinks the whole congregation will collapse if she doesn't put in an appearance!

I asked her why she is giving advice that she herself is not following. She said it is her duty to give them wise words. If she doesn't do better, then I won't be held responsible for looking outside.

- Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

I am sorry to hear about your wife's behaviour but try and put the thought of cheating out of your mind. I have always told women who are involved in the church not to be so heavenly minded that they are no Earthly good. Your wife is dishing out good advice to married couples. She should now look into herself and take her own words to heart.

Challenge her - not in a confrontational way. Tell her exactly what you wrote and let her know you feel neglected and as a result you are now having unwholesome thoughts of other women. My dear, if that is not a wakeup call for any woman, then, I don't know what is!