Doctor's Advice | He walked out on me
Q Hi Doc. As a girl of 16, my mind is 'all at sea'. The reason is this. I have had a boyfriend for four months and, as soon as he took my virginity, he walked out on me.
When we first met, I fell in love with him immediately. I thought he was wonderful, but I would not allow him to have sex with me. I did not want to risk getting pregnant, Doc.
But gradually, he wore down my defences. He started by stroking my breasts, and a week or so later, he moved on to caressing my thighs. Not long after that, I let him touch my private parts, and so it went on - a little more each night.
Finally, I gave in. Late on a Friday evening, I let him have intercourse with me. To be honest, I did not enjoy it very much, but he said it was great. He told me I was the best girl he had ever had.
However, the next day, everything was different. He didn't call me or text me. Then he cancelled our date for the Saturday night. He told me he was too busy to see me on Sunday. On Monday evening, I saw him out with another girl. Doc, I went home and wept!
I am sure that the break-up is my fault. What have I done wrong to cause this split?
A You poor young lady. You have not done anything wrong, except to let yourself be deceived by this cunning young man.
What you don't realise is that all over the world, there are testosterone-fuelled boys who are desperate to get as many girls as possible into bed. Very often, they will try real hard, using all sorts of ruses to persuade a young lady to allow penetration.
But once that penetration has been achieved, they feel that they have 'got a result', and they move on to the next pretty young woman.
You have probably heard the expression 'notches on the bedpost' - meaning a record of sexual conquests. And alas, you have (figuratively speaking) become a notch on this young guy's bed.
Now, it is only a minority of young men who behave in this way. I forecast that in the future, you will find other guys who are a pleasure to go out with, who treat you right, and who do not regard you as a potential notch on the bedpost.
What you should do now is to take great care to look after yourself. Treat yourself gently until you have recovered from all this. Get as much rest as possible.
If you are depressed (which I think is possible), ,see a doctor and ask her about having some treatment. If necessary, she could arrange some counselling for you.
Please do not even think about going out with any boys for quite a while. Just let yourself recover from this experience. Confide in your friends, and try to enjoy happy times with them.
I very much hope that you are not pregnant and that you have not caught any sexual infection from that guy. If you are in any doubt about these points, seek your doctor's advice.
Q Doc, I am a male, 19 years old. I have just broken up from a passionate relationship with a much older woman. I think she is around 28.
In some ways, I am glad that this affair is over because it was difficult to keep it a secret from my mother. But one thing is making me fret.
You see, whenever I had sex with her, I felt a bad 'jabbing' sensation at the end of my organ. It pained me a lot, Doc - like someone was stabbing me.
Do you think she had a sexually transmitted infection or some kind of cancer? Whatever it was, could it affect me?
A Relax. There is no evidence that this lady has anything wrong with her.
I am pretty sure that she has an IUD - what many people call a 'coil'. These contraceptive devices are placed in the womb, but they mostly have two threads which hang down into the woman's vagina.
Quite often, a guy can feel them during sexual intercourse. Frequently, they just give him a quite pleasant, tickly sensation, but, occasionally, they cause quite a sharp jab near the tip of the penis. That is not pleasant, but it is harmless.
One good thing, as the older lady seems to have a coil, it is most unlikely that you have got her pregnant.
Q Doc, I am thinking of going on the Pill, but is it true that it causes cancer, as some of my friends have said?
A Please do not fret. There are millions of women worldwide who are taking the Pill, and they would not be doing so if there were any big risks of cancer.
In fact, the Pill slightly increases the chance of getting two types of cancer:
- Breast cancer;
- Cancer of the cervix.
But it reduces the chances of developing two other cancers:
- Cancer of the womb lining (the endometrium);
- Cancer of the ovary.
Before deciding to start the Pill, please talk over the risks with your doctor. In practice, the health dangers for younger women are very slight compared with those for more mature ladies.
Q Doctor, my girlfriend got me excited the other evening, but I did not orgasm because her parents came home unexpectedly.
Later that night, I got a bad pain in the testicles. It did not go away until morning. Have I done myself any serious harm?
A No. This is a normal reaction in young men to a situation in which they get sexually excited, but do not discharge. It is due to congestion in the testicles. Usually, there is just a dull ache, but sometimes the pain can be quite unpleasant for an hour or two.
Doctors sometimes jokingly call this symptom orchitisamorosaacuta, which is Latin for acute amorous inflammation of the testicles. It is no big deal.
Q Hi there, Doc. I am female, 18, and I don't know too much about sex. A boy has been pestering me to give him what he called a 'hand job'.
I wasn't too sure what that was, but eventually I did what he asked. As you can guess, the result was that I got his man-fluid all over my fingers. I did not like this, so what I am asking you kindly is this. Could my contact with his sperm have given me a sexual infection? And I suppose there is no chance of pregnancy, is there?
A It is very nearly impossible for this form of petting to give anyone a sexually transmitted infection.
And pregnancy would be totally impossible unless you made the bizarre mistake of putting your damp fingers into the vagina. Warning: this guy will probably ask you for further sexual 'favours' now.
Q Doc, is it true that there is a special skin gel that a guy can use to prevent him from getting girls pregnant? If so, I would like to use it as I have an active sex life.
A There is such a contraceptive gel, which the guy rubs into his arms and shoulder, but it is on trial in Los Angeles, and it will not be generally available for years.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.