Right man wrong woman or right woman wrong man ... Dealing with compatibility in marriage
In 2 Corinthians 6:14, the Bible states: "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers; for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness, and what communion hath light with darkness? Many interpret this passage of scripture as speaking to just religion, but according to the men of religion, this covers several critical areas to which individuals who seek to become one in marriage must pay key attention to.
Family and Religion visited a seminar with presenter, Evangelist Donald Bailey, who sought to expound on some of these critical areas.
He announced the first to be one's age, revealing that age differences in a relationship may be cause for concern.
"Sometimes the partners get insecure and they feel like the other person does not love them anymore. We need to know at different ages the body makes different changes, and because of that there will be different needs which will create problems."
He moved on to disclose health as another area that can cause an end to a marriage or a serious relationship.
"There are some people who have serious family illnesses and it affects them right through life, and if the partner didn't know, it will play a serious part in the relationship - you may end up with right man wrong woman or right woman wrong man."
For years ordained ministers have hosted counselling seminars for couples who wish to make the next step, but many times the issues that arise may cause the pastor to be skeptical about sanctioning the marriage - education, profession and ambitions are among the list of issues.
"Education: this is a serious one. You need to check out the educational background of the person because education can influence how the relationship goes. (In the case of) a man who has a master's degree and marries a woman who is a school drop-out, the academic qualities don't match and many times when you find it like that it creates problem in the relationship."
He added, "It is a bit worrying to me that people today get married solely on the basis of academic achievement, because she is a doctor, because he is a lawyer. What you marry is not the person but the profession. The only thing that will make marriage work is love. I come from the old school and I believe a man should take care of a woman. Though women are able to take care of themselves, I believe it is a man's role to take care of a woman."
Interestingly, the evangelist noted emotions as playing a key role in the stability of the union.
"Different people have different emotional make-ups: some are balanced and some are not; some are emotionally hot, then some are emotionally cold and this will create problems. You either have to take them and cool them down or warm them up. Many times, relationship mash up, too, because there is no humour in the relationship. Find something to laugh about, life itself is already stressful - don't add to it."
While some people marry their partners and find out later that they are no longer able to handle all that the person is coming with it, Bailey posits that incompatibility is not the key for divorce.
"If you are married already, incompatibility is not the key for divorce. Try to fix the marriage. I will suggest to some men before you move to look if the grass is greener on the other side, water your grass, fertilise your grass, take care of your grass and it will become greener. And, ladies you keep yuhself lovely. When you see we and when you get the ring everything done, you nuh business how you look anymore. If you are at home and you know he's coming, you take a shower, smell nice, put on some nice music so when he comes home his mind is nowhere else but home."
He continued, "You have got to compromise sometimes to keep the relationship going. For example, I don't like rice, but let's say my wife loves rice, because I want to keep her happy, I will eat the rice sometimes, in compromising it will work."
He revealed, however, that above all things, there should be no compromise in religion.
"There should be no compromise in religion, it should be what God says, we must obey God rather than man. When it comes to God we must do what is right: we must keep the commandments of God," he ended.