Thu | Oct 18, 2018

Dear Counsellor | At odds with my son

Published:Tuesday | June 14, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q:My adult son and I are not getting along. It has been a stormy relationship. At one point I took him to Family Court because he was ill-treating me. I did domestic work to send him to a good school. I buy and sell to make two ends meet.

He is my only child. His father did not lift a finger to help when my son was growing up, but now, he and his father talk often over the phone. He wants to be a singer and is always saying he will soon make it big. His father is encouraging him with this foolishness.

My son does not like me because I told him to go and get a job. He is staying in the family house left by my side of the family, not his father's.

Things got worse recently when he tore up my birth certificate and threw away my ID. He is very spiteful.

He wants me to go and beg. I am now staying with different friends on different days. I cannot continue to live like this.

I do not know what to do. I need your help and advice.

A:This is distressing. Perhaps it would have been different if you had sought the help of a counsellor or pastor instead of taking your son to Family Court. It could be that he is getting worse since that episode. Furthermore, perhaps you could have been more supportive of his dream to be a singer even while you had doubts. Never quash a person's reasonable dream.

Your son appears to have anger issues. He is behaving in an ungrateful manner. You nurtured him and this is the thanks you are getting. Is there a respected family member who could talk to him? Please try that.

That is also another option. A long shot is to talk with his father and see if the father will be able to persuade him to change his behaviour and get you back in your home.

If mediation fails, then he has to know that he has no claim on the house. If you feel that your life is being threatened, then as a last resort, you might have to get a restraining order.