Sun | Aug 20, 2017

Faith Counsellor | I wish I could take back what I told my wife

Published:Saturday | June 25, 2016 | 6:00 AM

 

Dear Joan,

It is with a sad heart that I am writing you right now. The other day my wife and I had a heated argument and I don't know one thing led to another and before I knew it, I was saying things I didn't really mean.

She angered me so much that I found myself saying I should have listened when my friends warned me not to marry her as she is not in my class. When I said that I could see the pain in her eyes, believe me, at that moment, I wished I could get the words back down my throat. She didn't say another word after that, I just saw the tears before she walked out of the room.

Since then, I have apologised to her, I told her I was just angry when I said it and that I love her more than anything, but I can feel a difference in our relationship. She said she has forgiven me, but sometimes I see a look of sadness in her eyes.

She doesn't laugh as much and the usual spontaneous things she used to do, that is no more. I honestly feel as if I have lost my best friend.

I have spoken to my pastor, confessed what I said and he had a talk with her to tell her how truly sorry I am.

I get the feeling that my marriage is now on the line. Do you think she will ever get past those hurtful words and allow us to get back to the place we were? I know I will never do or say anything to ever hurt her again.

H.J.

Dear HJ,

I am sorry you got carried away and spoke out of turn. That is the reason I have always advised my friends and others that one should never say things in the heat of the moment. Words spoke can never be unspoken. You have apologised, but the impact of those words will live on for some time.

It is a hard pill for any wife to swallow when her man tells her she is not in 'his class'.

I don't exactly know what you mean. It could be that you are in a better job, or you have come from a better family background - but whatever it is, she is God's perfect creation and that puts her in a great 'class'.

You have a lot of work to do. You are going to have to woo her all over again, show her in every way possible that you love and cherish her. Ride out the moods she has and keep replacing them with love. If you have to apologise every day do it!

Ask God to soften her heart and heal the hurt. For others reading this letter, I hope it will be a lesson not to speak too quickly. Solomon said it best in Proverbs, 'a soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.'

Blessings.

I am uncomfortable with my husband's conversations

Dear Joan,

My husband and I have an open relationship. We don't go around using passwords on our phones. Although he has access to my phone, he doesn't scan my messages. However, I checked out his whatsapp conversation and a few of them seemed a bit too personal for me. He is a youth director at church and some of the conversations he is having with the single females make me wonder. I asked him about it and since then he now has a password. He was upset that I am analysing his messages and accusing him. Why can't he explain, is he up to something?

U.P.

Dear U.P.,

It is women like you who sabotage your own relationships. You should have been happy your husband is open and willing to leave his phone around free for you to browse. He is a youth director, chances are some of the young girls may have personal issues and seeking counselling from him. If he doesn't want to share, then he is right if they confided certain things to him, he would be breaking their confidence going into detail about it.

It seems you have too much time on your hands if you spend time searching his messages. Trust your husband and support him in the ministry.

Blessings