Dear Counsellor | My secret child
Q:I have a good marriage. I love my wife and she loves me. However, there is a small issue. I have a three-year-old child and my wife does not know about it. It happened during a rough patch in the marriage when I thought my wife would leave me. There was this co-worker I admired. It was the first child for her. This girl does not want to cause any trouble in the marriage. She is even disappointed with herself for having a child for me, a married man. She said when she was growing up she did not want to be like her mother who had a child with a married man. I had to counsel her during the pregnancy. She did not ask me for any money during the pregnancy although I play my financial role now. At the christening for the child I played the role of the godfather. My wife saw the picture of the child and asked how it was that the godchild looked so much like me. I gave her a story. My best friend who is the only person who knows about the child thinks I should tell my wife about the baby. I think it will destroy our good marriage, and I do not want to burden my wife with my problem. What do you think?
A:Your so-called good marriage is based upon a lie. You claim that only your best friend knows about the child, but your child's mother might have told her mother and her best friend. Perhaps some other co-worker might have worked it out.
In addition, since the child resembles you, it will not take long before others do the maths. Perhaps your wife knows something and is just giving you an opportunity to come clean. It is not fair to your wife. When are you planning to tell the child that you are not the godfather but the father?
Marriages and family relationships ought to be based on truth and trust. The longer you take to speak the truth the harder it gets and the worse it will be for the relationship. Furthermore, you expose yourself to blackmail. Take the advice of your best friend and speak the truth to your wife and accept the consequences of coming clean. In the long run, it will be better for all concerned.