Mon | Mar 19, 2018

My fiancée is getting married to another man

Published:Saturday | July 2, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Doc, I am a young guy whose heart is nearly broken. I was deeply in love with my fiancée. In fact, she was pregnant by me, so we were looking forward to the birth of our baby later this year.

We even picked a possible name for the baby, Doc. It makes me cry to think about that.

Around a month ago came a terrible thunderbolt of news. She told me that she was in love with another guy who is somewhat older than me. She said she was leaving me to go and live with him. Apparently, they are getting married quite soon!

Doc, has she gone mad? Surely, it is insanity for a pregnant girl to dump her fiancée and go off to marry someone else?

I have heard where pregnancy can sometimes 'unhinge' the mind. Do you think this has happened to her? If so, could I get her treated? Maybe some medication would help?

A I am real sorry to hear about this. Let me first answer your medical questions about pregnancy and insanity.

It is true that during pregnancy women's emotions can sometimes be a little disturbed. Actual insanity is very, very rare. Admittedly, it does sometimes happen just after the child has been born. This is called puerperal psychosis.

However, I do not think there is the slightest evidence that your former fiancée has gone crazy. All that has happened is that she has changed her mind about you and has fallen in love with this rather older guy.

Certainly, it is unusual for a woman to do this when she is expecting a baby by her fiancée. But it can happen.

One important point, are you sure you are the baby's father? You must consider the possibility that earlier this year, she may have gotten pregnant by that other guy, and maybe that made her decide that she must marry him.

But let us assume for the moment that you are the father. I feel that you should make sure that this child is properly recognised as yours. Presumably, you don't want the baby brought up as another guy's son or daughter?

You should make your views known to your ex-fiancée and her new lover. If they are reluctant to acknowledge that the child is yours, then you might have to take legal action and then get DNA testing done after the baby is born.

As to medication, I am afraid that there is no pill or potion which could change your ex-girlfriend's mind. Frankly, I think it is unlikely that she will come back to you now, although I suppose it is just possible.

My main concern at the moment is for you since you say you are "nearly heartbroken" and crying. It is possible that you are clinically depressed. Maybe you should go and have a chat with a doctor. From long experience, I would say that you will feel better one day, but it will take quite a while.

In the meantime, you should take care of yourself and avoid stresses. I strongly advise you to stay away from girls for at least six months. You don't want to have your heart broken (or 'nearly' broken) again. Good luck.

Q My boyfriend and I get on very well, and we probably love each other - I think. We will most likely get married in a couple of years, but, Doc, there is one problem. Sex with him is fine, however, there are times when he wants me to give him oral sex. I don't mind doing that. What I really dislike is the fact that he wants me to swallow his man-fluid.

Why, Doc? I have known previous boyfriends who wanted me to do this, but I find it disgusting. I cannot understand why men want girls to accept this.

A Well, if you find this behaviour disgusting, then you definitely should refuse to do it. Women must not allow themselves to be forced into sexual activities which they dislike.

Now, why do so many guys wish to climax in girls' mouths and then ask them to swallow? On the face of it, this seems biologically irrational. After all, in the entire animal kingdom, there is no other species which behaves in this extraordinary way.

It is all connected with the fact that men have been governed by a powerful drive to get their 'seed' into the female. Obviously, what they want to do most of all is to send that seed into the vagina. But as a sort of 'second best', many men are delighted to orgasm into any available cavity in the female. The mouth is an obvious candidate.

Following ejaculation between the woman's lips, many young guys have this slightly odd idea that she then should actually swallow the liquid. Some psychologists theorise that this has to do with a strong male desire to get the sperms as deep into the female's body as possible. Others think that the man is deliberately demeaning the woman and making her feel subservient to his needs.

Now, some females are quite happy to go along with what guys want. Others strongly dislike the taste and feel of semen, and definitely don't wish to swallow it. Men should respect their wishes.

I think you should tell your boyfriend that you are repelled by the idea of swallowing his fluid, so you are not going to do it.

Q Is it true that there is some kind of contraceptive skin gel for guys, Doc? If so, I would like to try it.

A It is being trialled on the west coast of the United States, but there is no chance that it will be available here for at least five years. Sorry.

Q Last week, I had sex with a boy on the beach in MoBay. I was relieved today when my period arrived.

Doc, can I assume that I am not pregnant?

A Yes, if your menses have arrived, then it is almost certain that you are not pregnant.

Q During sex last week, my girlfriend shouted another guy's name just as she climaxed.

Doc, do you think this is evidence that she has been cheating on me?

A No, there is no proof of that. But clearly, she has been thinking about this other guy in a sexual way.

Maybe this means that secretly she wants 'out' of your relationship. All you can do is to talk this over with her.

Q Doc, what is the real success rate of the Pill? I recently started taking it, believing it to be 100 per cent effective.

But now I have read on the Internet that its effectiveness in preventing pregnancy is only around 85 per cent. Is this true?

A If you take the Pill exactly as prescribed, without missing any, its effectiveness is as near to 100 per cent as makes no difference. Many experts say it is 99.9 per cent.

But if you miss Pills, then the effectiveness of the method will drop. The more you miss, the lower the effectiveness will fall. The most dangerous thing is to forget Pills at the beginning or the end of the pack.

- Email questions to Doc at and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.