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Faith Counsellor | My wife's past is wrecking our marriage

Published:Saturday | July 9, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

Blessings to you. I really need your help in getting through to my wife. I love her a lot and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for her. I try to tell and show her in every way that she is the one for me. Honestly, the mere fact that I made her my wife should be enough to let her know that I think the world of her.

My problem lies in the fact that she just can't trust me. She was engaged to be married before I met her and she broke it off after finding out that her fiancÈ was fooling around with her best friend.

I remembered how crushed and hurt she was at the betrayal from both sides.

I told her I would never do anything like that. I eventually convinced her (or so I thought) that I am trustworthy and we got married. Now she questions everything I do. If I say I am working late, she calls me at work, sometimes she calls the switchboard and asks for me, then when they transfer her and I answer the line goes dead. I know it's her.

She discourages any friendships I might have with females from my church and complains when I take calls from any of them. I have reassured her that I am not like her ex but honestly, it is now starting to get on my nerves.

She is holding on so tightly and being so suspicious that I am starting to feel choked in this relationship.


Dear Frustrated,

The time has come to show just how much you love your wife, by fighting for your marriage. It is good that you understand where all of her insecurities are coming from, however, you will have to take some drastic steps to shake her out of this distrust phase she insists on dwelling in.

Encourage her to go to a counselling session with you and there you should be 100 per cent honesty. Let her know you are thinking of throwing in the towel on your marriage if she doesn't start trusting you. The counsellor will also help her to come to terms with her emotions.

I think deep down, she knows you are a good man and if she realises she will lose you if she doesn't change, it will be the catalyst in having her doing something about it!

You could also try once more to have a heart to heart with her, assuring her of your love and showing her what her mistrust is doing to the relationship.



Why do church people gossip so much?


Dear Joan,

I am a new convert and started attending a church in my community. I am already turned off, to tell the truth. I can't understand how one minute they are speaking in tongues in church and the next minute they are gossiping about their own brethren or other people's business.

I was in a taxi and this sister who leads devotions and is always active in church, she doesn't know me because I mostly sit in the back. I listened to her talking about the pastor and saying some mean stuff. What is amazing about the whole thing is that in church, she bigs up the pastor and express her love. I am not even sure I want to go back to the church.

Turned Off

Dear Turned Off,

I have got news for you: no matter which church you attend, you are going to find that kind of behaviour. Not every person who attends church is completely sold out to Christ. Gossiping has been a problem from bible days and I suspect it will be one until Christ's second coming.

The next time you see this sister in church, approach her, tell her you were in the taxi and what she did was not cool. I am sure if she has any conscience at all, she will feel bad.

Congratulations on the best step you have taken. Don't allow anyone to discourage you from the path you have taken.