Thu | Oct 29, 2020

Faith Counsellor | My wife is too loud

Published:Thursday | July 21, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am having a problem that I hope you can address. I have been married for more than five years, and for the most part, I am enjoying the union. I have a very loyal wife. She is a hard worker for the Lord. She takes care of me, but there is just one flaw: she is loud!

Sometimes when she is on the phone, I can stay around the back and hear everything she is saying. Whenever we are having private conversations, I have to tell her to keep her voice down as she talks so loudly anyone can stay outside and know what we are discussing.

She gets upset whenever I tell her to keep her voice down and tells me that it is not as if she is trying to be loud.

I just think she can make an effort to be quieter. Once we were having a friendly discussion about something. When we were through, I went outside to water the flowers. My neighbour asked me if everything was OK. When I enquired why he was asking, he said he heard my wife "louding me up."

I felt a bit embarrassed as I explained to him that it was not a quarrel, we just got carried away in the discussion. He gave me a knowing look as if I was trying to cover up the fact that I had a wife who dominated me!

I don't know what else to do to get my wife to be quieter. Help!

- N.R.


Dear N.R.,

I am happy that you have no other issues with your wife. Being loud can be a problem, but face it, it's not the end of the world.

I know people who just naturally talk loudly, and to be truthful, I don't think they even realise their volume is so high!

Have a talk with your wife, but don't keep putting her down about her loudness. Just ask her to make a conscious effort to speak in lower tones. Tell her that all you ask is that she try to remember that every time she opens her mouth. She might mess up some of the times, but if she makes a conscious effort to be mindful of it, I bet it will get easier every day. Be encouraging, not condemning, and remember to drop in the compliments to ensure that she keeps at it.


My husband and I sleep in separate beds

Dear Joan,

One of my closest friends came to spend the weekend with me and it was then that she discovered that my husband and I do not sleep together.

Now, let me point out that I have a really good relationship with my husband. I love him dearly. I don't deny him his privileges where lovemaking is concerned, but the truth is that my husband has a sleeping problem and he watches the television till the wee hours of the morning.

Now, I can't fall asleep with that noise and I don't like any form of light in the room when I am ready to go to bed. So I find it easier for us to have separate rooms.

My friend was shocked and said no matter what, I should be sharing the bed with my husband.

Joan, what is so wrong with us having separate beds. Am I doing something wrong?

- J.K.


Dear J.K.,

My dear, at the risk of having someone bite my head off, I see nothing wrong with you having separate rooms.

The important thing is that the love and respect are there. You spend quality time with him when he needs it, so if you both seek the best means to get your night's rest, more power to you.

Many couples who sleep side by side are in turbulent relationships.

Enjoy your marriage and do what is pleasing to both of you. Do not allow a third party - best friend or not - to upset the apple cart now.