Tue | Oct 17, 2017

Immigration Corner | Unfairly blamed for divorce

Published:Tuesday | August 2, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q I am being blamed for my divorce from my husband when, in fact, he was the one who initiated the divorce proceedings. In addition, my faults are no worse than his, and if blame were to be shared fairly, he would accept 60 per cent and I would get 40 per cent. To be fair to him, he tells people not to blame me. He states that he has his faults. He knows what he has done repeatedly, which is unknown to others. People are only aware of my mistake and so pour scorn on me.

My now ex- husband is well respected in society, work, and church. He is a charming person who genuinely cares for people. He is a good provider to his children and also to me. He is reliable. He is also very good at his job and very smart. He is fun-loving and the life of the party, but he has a secret weakness. Everybody is blaming me, including his parents, my parents, my children, and my own friends. I promised my husband that I would not spill the beans on him, but now I am considering telling all the dirty secrets he has in order to clear my name and let people understand that I should not bear the full blame for the divorce. What do you think?

A I wonder why you and your ex husband did not go to counselling for the problem. You have described a wonderful husband with a major flaw. It seems that your relationship was redeemable. You have some good qualities, including your unwillingness to publicly embarrass your husband.

You should consider how spilling the beans might affect your children. Some things should remain on the pillow between husband and wife. Since you gave your word that you would not tell on him, and since he has been at pains to tell the world that people should not blame you for the divorce, then you should continue to honour your word.

Please encourage him to get help for his serious flaw and perhaps one day when he has recovered, he might come clean about his contribution to the marriage's failure. At that point, you will look like a star. In the meantime, share with him how the situation is affecting you and get help during this difficult period.

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