Wed | Oct 18, 2017

Dear Counsellor | Should I marry this boring man?

Published:Tuesday | August 9, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am faced with a serious problem. I am 41 years old and a single mother with two children. Neither of the fathers cares for the children. These men are worse than deadbeat. I met this foreigner who started to chat me up. I took it as a joke at first. However, he wined and dined me while on vacation here. It was fun while it lasted. It was a distraction from a poor life. We kept in touch and he said he wanted to marry me. He sends money and stuff for the children and he cares for them. He is willing to adopt them legally. However, I find him boring. I really do not know what to say to this man when he calls. I allow him to talk and ask questions. I thought of going overseas to get married to him and then leave him and bring up the children. I have another guy who is showing interest in me. I like him somewhat, but he cannot help himself financially, much less me. Do you think I should take a chance and get married to this boring old man?

 

A: The only way you should get married to this 'boring old man' is if you feel that you will grow to love him. You mention how caring he is and willing to adopt your children. These are great qualities. Some men would not want to take on such responsibilities.

However, if you are just in it for what you can get and you see no loving future with him then it would not be fair to him or to yourself. He might be genuinely in love with you and if he thinks you played him it might turn ugly.

You are at a cross roads in life and you have to be careful and responsible. You have two children to care for. Apparently, you have not made great decisions concerning the fathers of your children. The next relationship needs to be meaningful and uplifting.

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