Doctor's advice | Who is the father?
Q Doc, could you please give a pregnant young lady some good advice? I am engaged to a wonderful guy, and I love him. We are both 19 years old.
Our intention is to marry eventually, but it seems like I will have my baby before that. It is due in March.
My fiancé was delighted when I became pregnant. He had always wanted a little baby to love and cherish.
In April, he was away for a few days. During that time, I must have gone crazy, Doc! An ‘old flame’ of mine visited my home town in St Catherine, and came round to see me. He kissed me, and I just seemed to fall under his spell again. One thing led to another and before I knew what was happening, I let him enter me – and discharge. He did not use a condom.
Immediately afterwards, I got mad at him and told him to go away and never come back.
Well, a few days later my fiancé returned to St Catherine and we resumed having sex. Before very long, I realised that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed.
But as the months went by, I started to fret that maybe the child was conceived during my night of passion with my old flame.
Do you think that is possible? And should I tell my fiancé about what I did?
A Well, I have looked carefully at the dates which you have given me. You say that the baby is due in March (2017). Presumably, a midwife or doctor has given you that estimated date of delivery (EDD).
Now, it is almost impossible for a baby which is born in March to have been conceived the previous April. That would make it an 11-month pregnancy. Although there are very occasional accounts of 11-month pregnancies in medical literature, they are rare.
So, if you are right in saying that your one night stand with your old flame was in April, it is virtually impossible that he is the father. I think you can quit fretting about that. This child was most likely conceived in June.
Should you tell your fiancé about what happened last April? In general, I am in favour of total openness between couples. But informing your man about a foolish frolic which took place four months ago might have disastrous results on your relationship.
Before you make up your mind, I suggest you seek advice from a trusted, mature person in your community – like a minister of religion, a midwife, a therapist or a counsellor. Until you have talked everything over with a wise, older man or woman, I feel you should keep quiet about the crazy thing that happened in April.
Q I am 16. My friends tell me that my penis is too small. They have drawn my attention to an ad on the Internet for a device called a ‘penis stretcher’.
Do you think I should save up and buy it, Doc?
A I wonder why your friends have told you this. My guess is that they are just winding you up.
They could not possibly be experts in penile size!
As I have said before in this column, the vast majority of male teenagers who think they are too small are actually WRONG. So, I think you should get an expert opinion from a doctor about whether you are small or not. My guess is that he will tell you that you are within normal limits.
As to the so-called penis-stretcher, there are many of these devices advertised for sale on the net.
Often, a stretcher consists of two little ‘collars’ which are held apart by a couple of rods.
The rods are expandable – so that you can alter the distance between the two collars.
The general idea is that you put your penis through the two collars and then move the rods so that they stretch the organ lengthways.
Frankly, I cannot see much point in that! But the advertising for one of the devices claims that this stretching actually tears some fibres inside the penis, and that new cells then rush in to fill the gaps which have been caused by the tears. The theory is that as a result, the penis gets longer.
I really am unconvinced that this theory holds water (forgive the expression). If I were a teenager, I would certainly not be putting my organ into one of these devices.
Q I am 18, and I have just got a new boyfriend, and we are DESPERATE to have sex.
My best friend says I should go on the Mini-Pill. But I am not sure whether I should go on the ‘real’ Pill instead.
What is your medical opinion?
A The Mini-Pill is like a milder version of the Pill. It contains only ONE hormone, instead of two.
It is mainly used for breast-feeding mothers, and also for over-30s who want to avoid the risk of clotting which is associated with the ordinary Pill.
But I really cannot see why an 18-year-old should want to go on the Min-Pill rather than the ‘real’ Pill. The only real reason for doing this would be if you had a strong family tendency to clotting.
Bear in mind that the Mini-Pill has a slightly higher pregnancy rate than the ‘real’ Pill. Also, it has to be taken every single day of the year, at about the same time.
Most young women choose the ordinary Pill. It has the advantage that it gives them much more manageable periods. On the Pill, the menses tend to be short, light and pain-free – which are all good points. The Mini-Pill does NOT have these advantages.
Q I am a guy of 21, and a graduate. But I don’t know much about sex, Doc. My fiancée wants me to kind of rub the tip of my organ against her clitoris. But I am not sure. Is this kinky behaviour? Would it do us any harm?
A Well, this is quite a well-known love play technique, which is listed in various books on the subject. The purpose of it is to increase clitoral stimulation for the women, and thus help her to reach orgasm.
No, it will not do either of you any harm.
Q I am thinking of having a coil fitted. But is having it put into the womb real painful, doctor?
A Well, insertion does hurt. The pain is generally less in women who have had children. There is a case for taking a couple of aspirin or paracetamol beforehand.
Also, do not try to drive yourself home afterwards, in case you are in pain.
Q I know you will disapprove of this, Doc, but last Tuesday I ‘got lucky’ and had sex with three girls in one evening.
To my alarm, on the third occasion I did not produce any fluid! Is that serious?
A You are right: I don’t approve of this unwise behaviour.
But, in fact, when a guy climaxes several times in an evening, it is quite usual for the last one to be a ‘dry' orgasm.