Fri | Nov 15, 2019

Married and living separate lives

Published:Saturday | August 20, 2016 | 12:00 AMCecelia Campbell-Livingston

"Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives." 1 Peter 3:1

It has been said that there are different strokes for different folks, and when it comes on to the institution of marriage, this is also true.

A lot of married couples will fight to keep the union intact, there is no sacrifice too great to ensure the fire is maintained in the relationship - but somehow that zeal does not carry over in the handling of finances. Some wives absolutely draw the line at merging their bank accounts, while for others, there must be a room in the home where they can enjoy their own space.

For them there is nothing wrong with having separate bank accounts or retiring to their own room when it's time for sleep. After the loving is over, it is definitely time to get comfy in their own space.

This kind of strategy has been working for some marriages, but from a Christian standpoint, the opinion is that there can be no separatism in the union.

While many have problems with the above scenario, some think these couples are crossing the line and not adhering to the oneness that the Bible speaks about regarding matrimony.

Family and Religion reached out to Reverend Frederica Berbick of Touching Your World Ministry and Pastor Mark Bryan of the Savannah Cross Church of God of Prophecy.

"Never keep secrets from each other, always be truthful to your spouse. Communication is one of the most important aspects in the marriage," she said.




For her, keeping a separate bank account falls in the realm of keeping secrets, noting that most times, the wives maintain this account without their husbands' knowledge.

"As God's people, we certainly agree that it's very important that there should be no room for lies and deceit in the marriage. Lack of communication leads to separation; always communicate with each other," said Berbick.

Pastor Bryan, however, has no issue with the wife maintaining a separate bank account, "if she has her own money".

According to him, wives are really good at "saving for a rainy day", and perhaps if the husband had known about that savings account, he might have been tempted to ask for a bailout. But her having that secret account, he believes will come in handy one day should the need arise.

Berbick in addressing the bailout issue said there would be no need for that if they had joint accounts.

"In everything, they both stick together as one."

When it comes on to sleeping in her own bed, though, Bryan draws the line. For him, it is no-no, noting that sharing the matrimonial bed is a must.

Berbick is in favour of this also. She said it is honourable in God's sight.

Reminding that "marriage is honourable", Berbick said God has ordained marriage between two parties and they become one flesh.

"There should be one matrimonial bedroom because they are one," she said.