Dear Counsellor | Torn between two lovers
Q: I am an intelligent 25-year-old woman with a good job and a great boyfriend. I am God-fearing and so is he. We have been together for two years and things are getting serious, but I have been talking to another guy for the past six months.
My relationship with this other guy was just platonic, but it somehow developed into something more, and this relationship is very passionate and emotional. When it's good it's great, and when it's bad, we just want to kill each other. It's a roller coaster, but it's a ride I can't get myself off.
My boyfriend treats me as well as he can and cares for me a great deal. He is always thinking of me and puts me first. We have a good relationship with the regular issues, but for the past two months, some of his issues have been really bothering me.
I feel myself growing apart from him and more towards the new guy. What should I do?
A: You are torn between lovers. It is never a good idea to have two serious relationships simultaneously.
You need to concentrate on the first one and give it your undivided attention. Your first guy has very good qualities, including being caring. It is possible that you are comparing your first guy with the second, and that is never a good idea.
Furthermore, it appears that your mind is clouded by the passion with the second guy. Normally, good values will keep a relationship going in difficult times. Additionally, when a relationship is mainly passionate, it can lead to a roller coaster ride as you have described.
You should give the first guy the opportunity to develop his passion and cut off the other relationship.
Since you are God-fearing, you need to talk with your pastor.