Sat | Mar 17, 2018

Faith Counsellor | In love with a younger woman

Published:Saturday | August 27, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am 50 years of age and madly in love with a girl who is 22. I have been burnt once as my first marriage fell apart after my wife cheated and while I was overseas, she cleaned out our joint account.

She wanted us to start afresh, but I did not have in my heart to try again with her. I have since settled in my church and it is there that I met this young girl.

She has always been talking to me, coming to me for advice and lately she has been expressing her admiration for me.

Honestly, I have tried not to think of her in any way special as I am very much aware of our age difference.

She told me that she is in love with me and dreams of me being her husband. She said she has never liked 'boys her age' and always wanted to be with someone who is mature.

Joan, I have been discouraging her where the relationship is concerned, but she is very persistent and I must confess that I am not that strong. I have no desire to mess up our Christian lives and so I would not have a sexual relation with her until we are married - if we ever do get to that stage.

I have prayed about it, but I have gotten no answers. I am afraid to invest in another relationship and be burnt again. Do you think this girl is really capable of settling with a much older man?

- W.D.

Dear W.D.,

I really can't advise you on the route you should take in this relationship. The truth is, there are some mature young women who would much rather settle with an older man as they are seeking stability and someone who can be a lover as well as play a fatherly role.

However, there are some opportunistic women out there too, who will see you as an easy bait to take care of them.

You are the only one who can decide which of the two women I have described is in your life.

For many women, age is just a number and they don't have an issue with it. If you are really in love with her then it's time to start 'discovering' her. Take her out, meet her parents, watch her reactions around you. See the kind of company she keeps and start taking notes.

Don't be too quick to rush into marriage. One way or the other you will receive an answer regarding the direction you take the relationship.


My husband walked out and I hate him

Dear Joan,

My husband of 15 years walked out of the marital home and is now living with another woman. We have two children together, a fact he has conveniently forgotten and is just focused on his other woman and her child.

My teenaged children are doing well in high school, but I can't handle the burden of their school needs alone. He is stubborn and is all set on spiting me because I told him I didn't want him back. Apparently, things are not as wonderful as he thought and from what I hear, this woman is a hard one to handle. He told me he made a mistake and want to come back home - but once bitten, twice shy. I despise him in my heart, so I can't see myself being with him again. His reaction is to stop helping me and focusing on the woman he now wants to leave child.

- F.P.

Dear F.P.,

You are both being selfish and refusing to think about your children. He, in using whatever grouse he has with you to spite his children and you in using your hurt and anger to fuel the fire.

I know what he did must have hurt you a lot, but there must have been something for your marriage to be working for 15 years. It could be that he has learnt his lesson and now realises what he has at home. I am not forcing you to take him back, just asking you to think about it and see if there is any way your marriage can be salvaged. Regarding his refusal to play his role in taking care of the children, first let him know if he doesn't play his role, you will be taking the matter to The Family Court if he plays stubborn then follow through on your promise.