Sun | Aug 19, 2018

Doctor's Advice | Should I marry my cheating boyfriend?

Published:Saturday | September 10, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q Hi Doc. Should I continue with my plans to wed my boyfriend? We are 20 and have been engaged to be married for a year. We have a date pencilled in for 2017 and both our families are really looking forward to it. It will be a big day - if I go ahead!

During the course of our engagement, he has consistently been unfaithful to me. My friends keep telling me that he has been fooling around with other girls and, unfortunately, it is all true.

I have confronted him with the evidence on several occasions and he usually admits to it. He just says things like: 'Well, I couldn't help it. She was so beautiful,' and stuff like that.

At one stage, we actually thought he had got another girl pregnant, but, fortunately, it all worked out OK.

By my estimate, he has been with around eight other women since we got engaged. He says he will stop once we get married.

A Oh yes? It seems to me most unlikely that he will stop philandering! Guys like him usually carry on the same way through life.

Honestly, I think this is a ridiculous situation. You have been this man's fiancÈe for around a year. It seems like he has 'had' about eight different women during that period. I am surprised that he has time and energy for you.

My advice is to call off the engagement and dump this 'Romeo'. No good will come of staying with him. And probably, he will soon get somebody else pregnant.

Q Doctor, I want to make my wife conceived in a single month. We got married four months ago, but she hasn't conceived to date although we have been having unprotected sex.

Please suggest to me how I could make her my child's mother in a month from now. I think she is perfectly healthy as she is having regular periods.

But from my side, I think my sperm are not getting to her eggs because maybe they are not surviving or are less in count than they should be.

Please suggest how I could get her pregnant within four weeks.

A Well, I don't know why it is so important to you that you impregnate her within a month. Many healthy couples take months and months to achieve pregnancy. Incidentally, does she want to become pregnant?

Anyway, here is the best advice I can give you. Sit down with her and have a paper and pen ready. Write down the date when she thinks her next menses will be.

Add 10 days to that date. That will give you the day when you should really start trying hard to make her pregnant. And you should carry on having sex, at least once daily, for another four days after that.

So if her next period is due on, for example, September 16, then the days when the two of you should really have a lot of sex would be from September 26 to September 30.

Another small point is that you might increase the chances of conception if your wife lies flat on her back with the hips slightly raised on a pillow and stays in that position for around 10 minutes afterwards.

Finally, I don't understand why you think there is something wrong with your sperm. If necessary, you could always ask a doctor to arrange a lab test on your 'man-fluid', but that would be quite expensive. I do not feel that it is necessary to do the test until you have been trying for some months. I wish you both well.

Q Last Saturday night, I let a guy put his finger inside me. Doc, will this have taken away my virginity?

A Strictly speaking, no. But his fingertip may well have broken your hymen, which is the thin membrane that is often called 'the virgin's veil'.

Q Doc, can you answer an embarrassing question that I dare not ask anyone else? How much sperm fluid should a guy produce?

My boyfriend is fretting because he only makes about two teaspoonfuls on each occasion. It seems fine to me, but he thinks there ought to be a lot more.

A Well, he is wrong. Tests done by scientists in America (notably the famous Dr Alfred Kinsey) have shown that the average young man only produces 5ml to 10ml of sex fluid at each ejaculation. That is one teaspoon to two teaspoons.

Admittedly, the volume varies quite a lot. In particular, if a young guy hasn't had sex for quite a while, the volume will probably be greater - maybe 15 or even 20ml. But your boyfriend sounds perfectly normal, so he has no need to fret.

- Email questions to Doc at and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.