Fri | Jul 20, 2018

Faith Counsellor | Brother wants sister to cushion him financially

Published:Saturday | September 10, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I am a Christian and am really trying to live a good life for the Lord, but I must admit there are days when I wonder if I have the strength to carry on, especially when I have to deal with members of my own family.

The other day, I got a text from my brother accusing me of being no good and that he sees me for what I am. I responded that I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. I called his phone, and he didn't answer. I asked another brother to call him and he answered. He later sent a text to say he was not talking to me as he was tired of forgiving me after letting him down.

I later found out from my other brother that he was upset with me and even referred to me as his enemy because he thought I had assisted my nephew (his nephew, too) with a sum of money.

The thing is that I had nothing to do with it! My nephew told him the truth and I have not heard anything from him.

Joan, now tell me, he says he is a Christian and he is upset with me because he thought I gave assistance to his own nephew! And his reason for being upset with me is because I haven't been giving him money - mark you, he is working!

Joan, I don't feel like talking to him ever again. That is bad mind pure and simple.

- J.N.

Dear J.N.,

This is a really sad situation. I am now realising why so many family members are at odds with each other. If your brother feels so entitled to your money that he can classify you as his enemy for assisting his own nephew, then it is really serious.

However, I am not encouraging you to be in any malice with him. It hurt, I must admit, but at the end of the day, he is still your brother. It is obvious that there are some open resentment on his part, and I do admit it is unfair of him. He is working, he is he is his own man. If he is in a jam and approaches you and you have it in your power to help and turn him away, that is different, but I am assuming that is not the case.

Try to talk to your other sibling and see if you can have a family meeting and work things out.



My husband won't discipline his grandchild


Dear Joan,

I am concerned about a situation in which I currently am. My husband's granddaughter came to live with us as her mother is now overseas. She is studying for the next three years, and to tell the truth, I don't know how long it will be before I explode.

The little girl is eight years old and often acts up. I think she needs a firm hand and limits. My husband allows her to do whatever she pleases, and when I rebuke her or try to punish her for misbehaving, he overrides it.

I don't believe in beating, but when I try to do stuff like denying her the use of her tablet or watching the television if she is rude, she just cries and go to her grandfather, who tells her she can go back on the tablet.

I have argued with him about his refusal to discipline the child, and he said she is missing her mother, so he is compensating. What do you think?

- F.P.

Dear F.P.,

You are correct. Your husband should be made to see that he will be doing more harm than good in the long run. If she misses her mother, there are a lot of cost-free options such as WhatsApp, Skype and other methods through which they can communicate.

Allowing her to get away with being rude and misbehaving is not the way to do.

Later on, not even her own mother will be able to correct her. Encourage him to talk to his daughter and hear what she has to say.


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