Sun | Jan 21, 2018

Faith Counsellor | He asked me to marry him

Published:Saturday | September 17, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

I thought I met the man of my dreams, but now I am not so sure. We attend the same church and I really admired his dedication when it came on to serving God. He doesn't find any excuse to miss church. He is thoughtful and, honestly, I find him fun to be around. First, we started going out as part of a group to gospel concerts and other family-friendly activities. Then I invited him out one or two times to places I was going.

Eventually, he started visiting me at my home and things got deep between us. He popped the question with an engagement ring in hand and I said yes.

Now that we have set the date, I realise that he is not contributing much to the preparations. I earn a lot more than he does. He is a farmer and I am an accountant.

My father is not happy with the relationship as he thinks this guy only wants a meal ticket. I defended him and was upset with my father, but I am now wondering if my father is right.

My fiancÈ expects me to pay for the cake and the catering. He is even looking for me to help him with his suit. Why do I get the feeling I am marrying him instead of it being a partnership thing?

Joan, I am honestly thinking of calling the whole thing off.

What do you think?

- Unsure

Dear Unsure,

I think you already know the answer to the question you are asking. If you are beginning to feel uncomfortable and are having feelings of doubt, then you should put a halt on all your wedding plans until and if you think it is worth the effort.

I would not tell you to abandon all plans of being with him. It could be that he is genuinely interested in you and it's a classic case of him being a 'loving pauper'. But in today's financially challenging world, I am sure feelings of frustration and resentment will set in if you are not going into the union with your two eyes open, aware of the kind of stress and frustration you would be inviting being the main breadwinner.

Have a serious talk with him. Find out if he is aware of what he is undertaking. Ask the hard financial questions and see how he responds.

I would not necessarily agree with your father because at the end of the day, you will have to be the one to make the final determination regarding whether this relationship is good for you.



I don't know how to testify


Dear Joan,

I am a young convert and I get petrified at the thought of going to the front of the church to give a testimony. Whenever they call for testimony in church, I just sink lower in my seat, hoping that the testimony leader doesn't single me out! Sometimes they make it an open invitation, but other times they will call names and invite them to share a testimony.

I really don't have any testimony to share and I feel bad about it.

- HJ

Dear HJ,

Congrats on the best decision you have even taken - choosing Christ as your Lord and Saviour.

However, let me contradict you. you do have a testimony! You are alive, you can see, you can write - those are everyday miracles!

A testimony doesn't have to be something that is grand or a healing experience.

Your testimony is just sharing what God is doing for you on a daily basis. If you eat a meal, then that's provision. If you have good, caring friends, that's something else to praise God for. Testimonies are all around you. Just look and be grateful and that gratitude will allow you to speak boldly about what your heavenly father is doing for you.