Doctor's Advice | In love with a married woman
Q Good morning, Doc. I am a guy of 18, and I have just got involved with a married woman of 28. She is wildly passionate and fantastically good in bed.
I have never met a girl of my own age who is anything like her. To give you an example, Doc, she has vibrators in a cupboard by her bed. And she uses them on both her and me. She knows things that no girl of my age would understand.
But frankly, I cannot see that there is any way we could ever get married. After all, she is 10 years older than I.
However, Doc, it seems to me that she and I could have a wonderful relationship for the next year or so. My friends tell me that I am probably going to get myself in trouble, but, of course, they are envious of me.
What do you think, Doc?
A Well, it may seem nice to you that this lusty lady has taught you so much about sex, however, the word that leaps out at me from your question is: 'MARRIED.'
Look, she has a husband! And he could be an aggressive and jealous guy. He could have a gun. And if he finds out about your antics with his wife, the consequences could be very nasty indeed.
Young men do quite often have sexual relationships with ladies who are 10 years (or more) older than they. To be frank, such relationships can sometimes be very educational for the guy. And a few of these liaisons do end up in successful matrimony.
But to have an affaire with a married woman really is asking for trouble. Quite apart from moral questions, it is dangerous.
Has it occurred to you that with the high sperm count, which you probably have at your age, there has to be a fair chance that you might get this mature lady pregnant? And what would be her husband's reaction to being given a 'jacket'?
I suggest that you tell this nice lady goodbye, and get out of this affaire while your skin is still intact!
Q Please give me your fatherly advice, Doc. Last Tuesday night, I let a boy climax over the region of my clitoris.
Will I get pregnant? Help!
A Well, it is never a good idea to let a guy ejaculate anywhere near your vulva (which is the opening of the vagina). Unfortunately, the nature of men is to try as hard as they can to get their 'man-fluid' as near to the vagina as possible - and preferably, inside it.
In your case, you think that the young man climaxed over your clitoris and the adjoining area. That is perilously close to getting the semen into the vagina.
So to be honest, there has to be a chance that some sperm may have found their way up the vagina, through the cervix, through the womb, and into a Fallopian tube - where they may have found an ovum (egg) to fertilise.
But let us hope that that has not happened. It is too late now for the so-called Morning-After Pill. So you must just wait and see if your menses arrive.
Please, do not let boys do this to you again.
Q I have decided to get one of those women condoms from a pharmacy. Would a single one be enough?
A No, not if you are going to have sex more than once. You will need a new female condom for each occasion. Fortunately, they are not too expensive.
Q I had sex with a girl in Port Royal four weeks ago. Since then, I have had a pain in my right testicle, Doc.
Do you think this is a venereal disease?
A Well, it may be an infection, especially if you have any discharge from the tip of the penis, but it is possible that you have merely twisted your testicle. That is quite common in young guys.
What you must do now is to see a doctor and have your 'equipment' checked out. If there is an infection, rest assured, it can be treated, however, do not delay.
Q Last month, I had deep pain while having sex with my boyfriend. I went to a doctor, who told me that it was probably a cyst on the ovary.
What is a cyst? And will it prevent me from having children?
A Cysts are just little round swellings filled with fluid. They are extremely common in young women and also in some more mature ones.
The ovary is a common site for cysts, and they may indeed cause pain during deep penetration.
It is likely that the doctor is right and that you do have a cyst on the ovary.
But it would be wise to go and get yourself examined by a gynaecologist and see what he or she suggests should be done next.
Q I am a guy of 17, and I have just had the misfortune of being diagnosed with 'sugar'.
Does this mean I will lose my nature, Doc?
A No, it doesn't. Most diabetic guys have happy and fulfilled sex lives.
However, there is no doubt that sexual problems are a little more common among men who have 'sugar'. Indeed, there are some doctors who claim that sexual difficulties are commoner among women who have diabetes than those who don't - though that is as yet unproven.
I would say that the odds are that if you keep the diabetes well under control, you will not run into any difficulties with your potency. But if problems do happen, they can be treated.
Q My fiance and I are desperate to have a baby. My menses are 28 days apart.
I have heard that there is some way of looking at the vaginal secretions and telling when is the most fertile time. Is this true, Doctor?
A First thing to say is that if your periods are 28 days apart (from start to start), then you are most likely to ovulate between 10 and 14 days after the start of menstruation.
However, you have heard correctly about how the vaginal fluid changes during the menstrual month.
Scientists have found that around the time of ovulation, the vaginal juices often become more clear, stretchy, and slippery. But it often takes an expert eye to detect these changes.
Q I am a guy of 20 years, and so far, I have never had sex. When I finally do lose my virginity, do you think that the lady will be able to tell that I have never done it before?
A Well, there is no way that she could tell for certain, but she might well notice that you are inexperienced or nervous.
Of course, you could just inform her that this is your first time. Quite a few women actually like initiating a young guy into sex. Please use contraception!
Q Can a doctor tell whether a girl has masturbated by examining her?
A No, it is impossible for a doctor to tell this.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.