Mon | Feb 19, 2018

Immigration Corner | Mom wants me to marry my ex

Published:Tuesday | November 1, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am confused. I was in love with the girl of my dreams. She was very ambitious and smart. We would talk for hours on the phone. We had devotions daily and exchanged Biblical texts. I was sure it was God's will for us to get married. To my surprise, when I proposed for us to get married, she said she was not ready. This was very painful. I did not date anyone for a year. It took me that long to get over her. To my surprise I found another love. She is gorgeous. She is not as assertive as my ex but she is talented and going places. She is fun to be with. I am seriously thinking of proposing to her.

While with my present girlfriend my mother became seriously ill. My ex was good in taking her to the hospital and visited her every day until she got better.

My mother wants me to marry my ex. In addition, my ex is showing interest in me. I am civil toward her and appreciate what she did for my mother. However, I love my girlfriend more than her. My mom raised me as a single parent. I am her only child. She made great sacrifice for my educational accomplishment. I have a degree. I love my mom deeply but we cannot see eye to eye on this issue. She has even said she would not come to the wedding if I do not marry my ex. I am down.

A: You are torn between your love for your girlfriend and your mother. It is evident that you have moved on from your ex girlfriend. You need to let your mother know that if you do not marry your girlfriend you have no intention to return to your ex.

Your ex had ample time to make it right with you during the year you were yearning for her. It seems that your ex has interest in you because you have a new girlfriend. What has caused her to change her mind?

It is also possible that she was so caring to your mom to try and win you back. Perhaps it was a blunder that your girlfriend did not show such care for your mother.

You have to determine who you want to spend the rest of your life with and with whom you have the greater probability of establishing a happy and productive relationship.

Then you need to assure your mother of your love for her which will not change but also tell her of your love for your girlfriend. Tell her you would want her to be at the wedding.

I hope when you propose to your girlfriend she will say yes and that you will have a successful marriage.