Tue | Jan 23, 2018

Immigration Corner | Helping my ex

Published:Tuesday | November 8, 2016 | 12:00 AM

 

Q: I have three adult children for three different men. The father of the last one has met up on some hard times and is very ill.

He was not a good father to his child. Nevertheless, his daughter has asked me to care for him in his distress. She sends money from overseas for his care, so he is not a financial burden.

Furthermore, we have a spare room which is unoccupied. However, the eldest child who lives with me is not pleased. She does not like him and sees no reason for me to care for him. He is living in the house in his own bedroom. We have no feelings for each other but my daughter is not happy. Furthermore, because of my heavy work schedule I sometimes ask her to iron his clothes.

I do the washing and cook his meals. She detests that. She is my rock and is threatening to leave the house. I do not want that as we need each other to pay the mortgage. In addition, she is my best friend. How can I resolve this crisis?

A: This is very noble of you to care for your ex although he was not a good father. It is clear that your youngest daughter got her compassion from you.

You should have discussed taking in your ex with your eldest child before you took him in, even though you have no feelings for each other.

In addition, what would happen if the other two fathers feel ill and in distress and want to come to your house? What if her father wants to come and stay? This arrangement is not ideal, but I understand your situation. However, it is not fair to your eldest child to be required to iron his clothes. That is taking it too far. Get a day's worker to do those household chores and let his daughter pay for it.

Please have another talk with your eldest child and see if she will change her mind. Failing that, let her sisters talk it over with her.

And if she still wants to leave, then you should consider putting your ex in a nursing home. He is not worth the trouble.

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