Doctor's Advice | I desperately want a child
Q Doc, I am a 20-year-old female and I am desperate to have a baby, but my partner says that he never wants children.
What can I do? A friend of mine has suggested a possible answer. She says that when we are 'fooling around', I should use my hands to bring him to an orgasm. Her idea is that I should discreetly collect some of his man-fluid in a container and then go into another room and kind of 'spoon' it into me.
What do you think, Doc? Would this work?
A It would probably work, providing that you did it at the time of the month when you were ovulating. There have occasionally been women who tried this trick with success. In other words, they became pregnant and had babies.
But it does seem to me that to do this would be unfair to your partner. He does not want to have children, and you would be deceiving him into becoming a babyfather against his will.
As far as I can see, your plan is not actually illegal. You would not be committing a criminal offence, but the young man would justifiably feel that you had deceived him. It is possible that he might break off your relationship and, maybe, refuse to support the child.
On the other hand, there is certainly a chance that he might welcome the child, particularly when he holds a lovely little baby in his arms! But I don't think you should count on him feeling that way.
Summing up, I think that what you are proposing to do is wrong. If you cannot persuade your man to father a child in the usual way, then maybe you should end the relationship. You could then look for a guy who does want to have children with you.
Q Doc, is it true that there is now a contraceptive gel for guys?
A Yes. The idea is that you rub it into your skin and it prevents you from producing sperm. But although it is being trialled in America, it is not available in Jamaica.
Q I started taking the Pill last Sunday. A week later, I had sex with my boyfriend. Was I 'safe?' Am I protected against pregnancy?
A If you started your first pack of the Pill on the first day of your menses, you were protected from that day onwards. So everything will be OK.
Q Doctor, I am female, age 20, and I am concerned about my anatomy.
On the Internet, I have read that the clitoris is nine centimetres long, which I think is around three and a half inches.
Doc, mine is nothing like that size! It is just a little button of a thing. Am I abnormal?
A Relax! When sex experts say that the clitoris is three and a half inches long, they are including the part which you cannot see. Most of the clitoris is far beneath the skin.
The visible part of the clitoris is only about the size of a gungo pea. So you can quit fretting.
Q Is it possible to catch a venereal disease from a toilet seat, Doc?
A Technically, it would just about be possible to catch a sexually transmitted infection from a public toilet seat, but such a thing is wildly unlikely.
I must admit that if a person who had gonorrhoea or chlamydia left a drop of germ-containing fluid on the seat, and if you somehow touched that drop with your genitals, then it is just conceivable that those germs could make their way into your body, through your urinary pipe.
But I have never seen such a case. And, in reality, people who claim to have caught these infections 'from a toilet seat' are usually just trying to cover up the fact that they caught the germs through having sex.
Nevertheless, public toilet seats are not very clean things, so it is a good idea to have as little contact with them as possible.
Q I am 19 and am having a lot of sex with my boyfriend. At present, we are using condoms, but I would like to try that 'coil' thing.
What I do not understand, Doc, is this: How do they put it in?
A OK, the coil or intrauterine device is small. You could easily hold it in the palm of the hand.
The makers supply it inside a thing like a narrow drinking straw. The idea is that the doctor (or sometimes nurse) can insert that slim 'drinking straw' through your cervix and into your womb. Then she pushes the coil out of the 'straw' so that it takes up its correct position inside the cavity of the womb.
So what generally happens when you go and see the doc for a coil-fitting is this:
- She asks you to take off everything below the waist and to get on the couch.
- She then examines you internally with a gloved hand, mainly to check the size and position of the womb.
- Soon after that, she slips in an instrument called a 'speculum'. This lets her see your cervix.
- Then she passes the 'drinking straw' through the little hole in the cervix.
- Finally, she pushes the coil out of the 'drinking straw' and into the womb.
You may well ask: 'But doesn't it hurt?' And the honest truth is that it does a bit. So there is certainly a case for having some aspirin or paracetamol in your bag to take when necessary.
Also, do not try and drive yourself home afterwards. You may be a little shaken, so get your boyfriend or a relative to drive you. Good luck.
Q Hi, Doc. I'm a guy of almost 19, and I am worried by the fact that my seminal fluid changes greatly in appearance from one day to another. I fear that I may have some disease.
You see, Doc, sometimes it is thick and lumpy. At other times, it is quite thin and smooth. Is this an indication of some serious internal problem?
A No, I really don't think so. One of the odd things about seminal fluid is that it does change in appearance from time to time without any obvious reason. Some experts think that it becomes more 'lumpy' if you have a mole-cold, or are otherwise unwell.
There is quite a sensible article about seminal fluid on the web. Just google 'Semen facts'. Alternatively, check out the Wikipedia article titled 'Semen'. I am sure you have no need to fret.
Q I have menses that last four days, but for a day or two after that, I produce occasional bits of dark blood.
Does this matter, Doc? And during that time, would it be OK for me and my fiancÈ to have sex?
A This is just 'old' blood. In other words, the remains of the period. That's quite normal.
And, it would be quite OK to have sex at that time, but remember that there is a small but definite chance of pregnancy in those few days after the bleeding stops. So do use contraception.
- Email questions to Doc at
firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.