Sun | Aug 20, 2017

Dear Counsellor | Sick of my demanding, unhelpful husband

Published:Thursday | December 1, 2016 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have been married for 22 years. During this period, we have both cheated on each other. We also had a business together and it met up on some really hard times. We tried our best, but it did not work out. My husband went away for two and a half years and he did not send back any money. The decision for him to go was made by him alone, with no consultation with me. He claimed that it did not work out. All this took place while I had to be doing odd jobs to survive and he wanted me to send money to him. I am now overseas and really struggling to make two ends meet without his help. In fact, he was opposed to me going away. Now, he is very demanding and wants me to support him and his big dreams. I do not know what he is doing and, frankly, I do not care. All I care about is the one son we have together. I do two jobs so that he can survive and get an education. I want him to finish college and start to work. However, my husband and his siblings who spoil him think that I am ungrateful and I should be catering to his needs. I want to move on. What should happen now?

 

A: It seems that you are not interested in a relationship with your husband. It seems as if the marriage is as good as over. You are not communicating with each other. Both of you are making independent decisions. Furthermore, your financial woes have created a wedge. You feel he is demanding and unhelpful, and he and his siblings think you are ungrateful. I wonder, how is this affecting your son? You need to talk with him also.

You are living apart and so you will have to use technology to get some family counselling. It seems, however, that you have already moved on and your focus is on the child.

You have both been unfaithful to each other and perhaps the passion has gone out of the marriage. You have to search in your heart to see if there is anything that you really want from this marriage after 22 years. You have to decide whether the good times outweigh the bad times. Even if you are going to end the marriage, both of you need to end it amicably. Both of you need counselling.

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