Dear Counsellor | Sick of my boring wife
Q: My marriage is not working. I have tried, but it is not working. My wife is dull. My parents gave us an all-expense paid overseas trip to try and spice up our marriage. There was brief improvement while we were overseas, but we are now back to square one. She is doing well at work. However, the professional success is not transferred to our marriage. It is a dull marriage.
We have a daughter and my wife is a great mother to her. However, with me, there is little passion. I have never been unfaithful to her. I stay at work many times because I am in this poor marriage. My father and mother acknowledge that I am in a dull marriage. However, my father wants me to stay in the marriage. He got married to his childhood sweetheart and has been married to her ever since. He also wants me to stay for the child's sake. I will take care of my daughter. In fact, we have a very good relationship. But, I want some happiness before I die. I want out of this marriage.
A: Perhaps it might help if you change your attitude towards your wife and see her as a dull diamond, ready to shine under your influence. You said you have tried to make it work, however, you gave no details. It shows potential that she is a good mother and good worker. You need to ascertain what is causing her to lack passion. Is this how she has always been? She might not be the life of a party, but she could become an exciting wife. You need to see a counsellor as soon as possible.
That there was some improvement when you went overseas shows that there is possibility for what you call a dull marriage. Have a frank discussion with your wife and see where it leads. It is possible that one more overseas trip might also help with a changed attitude.