Doctor's Advice | Should I marry him?
Q Hello, Doc. I am a teenage girl and I have a boyfriend. I thought I loved him and wanted to marry him, but now, I am not so sure.
We have had sex, maybe, a dozen times. I quite enjoyed it, though it was not fantastic, but he told me that, for him, it was sensational. He said he has had sex with other girls in the past, but he told me that I was the best.
So far so good, I suppose. But last Saturday, I showed up at his home when he didn't expect me. Guess what, Doc? I found him in bed with another boy. They were both naked.
Well, he tried to tell me that they were just sharing a bed because they were both tired and needed some rest. I did not believe this.
I burst into tears and ran home. Since then, I have refused to see him, but he has texted me telling me that he loves me and wants to marry me.
What do you think, Doc?
A I agree with you that this young man's explanation of why he was in bed with another guy was ridiculous.
Clearly, your boyfriend is what they call bisexual. That means that he is attracted to both males and females - and is interested in having sex with either gender. Quite a sizeable minority of young men are bisexual - though a few of them become more 'hetero' (i.e. 'straight') as they get older.
However, you are not going to change this guy's sexual orientation. He is likely to remain 'bi' for the foreseeable future. Therefore, it would be very unwise to continue with your plan to marry him.
You should now tell him goodbye. You have had a bad shock and, for the next few months, you should look after yourself and treat yourself kindly. Do not rush into any other relationships. Maybe in a few months' time, you could think about finding yourself another partner. Good luck.
Q Doc, a girl who lives near Morant Bay allowed me to have sex with her last week. Now she says that she is pregnant by me.
Can I believe her?
A 'Last week' is only a short time ago. I do not think that a pregnancy test could be positive yet! So I think you should ask her whether she has actually done a urinary test and, if so, what the date of it was. She really must provide some more serious evidence that you are the babyfather.
Q I have been advised by a nurse to go on the mini Pill because it would be safer for my health.
When do I start taking it, Doc? Do you begin after a period?
A I recommend that women who are starting on the mini Pill begin taking it on the first day of the menses. If you do this, you will be protected immediately.
It is possible to start it at other times of the month, provided you are certain that you are not pregnant. But if you did that, you would not get immediate protection.
The mini Pill is also known as the progestogen-only pill or progestin-only pill or sometimes POP.
It is a lot milder than the ordinary Pill, so there is much less risk of serious side effects.
However, because it is so mild, there is a higher rate of pregnancy with the mini Pill than with the ordinary Pill.
Important point: You must take the mini Pill at approximately the same time of day every single day.
Q To settle an argument between friends, Doc, how much fluid is a guy supposed to produce when he discharges? I think it is probably half a cupful, or something like that.
A No, nothing as much as that. Scientists have determined that the average is only around five cc (5ml), which is about a teaspoonful.
Q I am a little worried about my menses. Last month, I bled four times, Doc, and each time, the bleeding lasted around four days. Is this OK?
A No, it isn't. You have bled for around 16 days in a single month, which is far too much. Young women should really not bleed for more than about six days per month.
If you keep on losing blood at this rate, you will soon become anaemic - that is, weak-blooded. You must go and see a doctor as soon as possible. She will examine you and give you treatment which should make your menses regular and light from then onwards. This will be good for your general health, as well as giving you more manageable periods.
Q I'm a guy, aged 18. I have just got back from a trip to see my relatives in England. Doc, while I was there, I had a sort of affair with a young lady.
From I got home, I have had an intense itching in my pubic hair. At night, it is so bad that it makes me tear at my skin, and there are some little bumps, too.
What is going on?
A You almost certainly have what are called 'crabs', which are medically known as pubic lice. These are little creatures which are passed on during sexual contact. Unfortunately, they love living in the pubic hair of human beings, and they feed by biting your skin and drawing blood. That is what causes the intense itching.
If you look carefully, you can see the tiny crab-like creatures moving around among your hairs. It is easier with a magnifying glass.
Please consult a doctor immediately. You will be given some special stuff to apply to your pubic region, and this will kill the lice. Please, on no account, have sex with anyone until the 'crabs' have completely gone.
Q I cannot understand why my boyfriend has cheated on me, Doc. I have just found out that he had sex with a girl from Falmouth.
The amazing thing is that he does not even like her, and neither do I. She is a difficult, argumentative person. She is far from popular.
And yet, when she invited him into her bed, he seemed to have accepted like a shot. Is he crazy, or what?
A You have discovered an unfortunate truth about guys. Some of them will happily take sex wherever they find it - even if they do not like the lady in question. I have often seen cases in which a young man actively detested a woman, yet went to bed with her because she was kind of 'on offer'.
So your boyfriend is not unusual. Whether you continue your relationship with him is up to you, but it seems to me that it would be a good idea to move on.
Q Doc, I am 17. Last Wednesday, I was kind of seduced by an older woman. I think she was around 29. I was a bit scared, particularly when she produced some kind of vibrating thing from her bedside drawer, and used it on me.
She was amused by this, but I did not enjoy it. Could it have done me any harm?
A None at all, so quit fretting. But if you get any discharge (or painful urination), see a doctor.
- Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.