Doctor's Advice | He wants to release intimate photos
Q Something horrible has happened to me, Doc. I am female, age 19. Early this year, I had a brief sexual relationship with a guy of my own age. But then I told him that it was all over. He was upset.
A couple of weeks ago, he contacted me and said he wanted to remind me that he had what he called 'some intimate photos' of me.
I remembered with a shock that what he said was true. Last June or July, when we both had our clothes off, he pointed his mobile phone at me, and took a few pictures. At the time, I paid this no mind.
But now he is saying that he still has these photos. And he is threatening to send them to my family and friends, and to my college. He says he will do this unless I am nice' to him. When I asked him what he meant, he said that I would have to let him have sex with me again! I do not want to do that, Doc. In fact, I dread it.
But when I refused to go along with his sexual demands, things got worse. He told me that I must pay him some moneyor else he would put the photos on the Internet!
What should I do, Doc? I am terrified that these nude photos will be seen by my mother.
A This guy really is a 'jerk,' isn't he? You were quite right to refuse his demands for further sex.
The main thing to understand here is that he has already committed a crime against you. He is engaging in blackmail. Furthermore, asking you for money in order to keep him from publishing your naked photos constitutes the criminal offence of extortion, under Jamaican law.
Therefore, you must not give in to him. What you should do now is to inform the police. They will go and see him and (I hope) arrest him. The cops are well aware that this use of people's intimate photos is a vicious crime, which needs dealing with severely.
Now you are probably thinking that at all costs you do not want your mother and other relatives and friends to see your pictures. Well, if you bring the police into this matter right away, then probably your photos will never get published by this unpleasant young man. You can stop him in his tracks right now!
And if somehow he did manage to publish the pictures before the cops catch up with him, what then? Well, would it be such a colossal disaster if your mom saw some photos of you with no clothes on? I expect she has seen you naked before now. It would not be 'the end of the world.'
So please go ahead and notify the police right away. If he has made any written threats to you, show the cops the documents - or else download any of his incriminating emails or texts for them to look at.
Your story is a warning to other young women (and indeed, young men). Do not let yourself be photographed naked, or in any sexually compromising situation. You have been warned!
Q Doc, I am a guy of 20, and all my friends seem to be leading fantastic sex lives with women. So far, I have been totally unable to persuade any girl to go to bed with me. They always reject me.
What am I doing wrong?
A Well, it's possible that you are trying too hard to seduce them. If girls suspect that a guy just wants to get them into bed, they tend to shy away.
As a new year resolution, why don't you just try and establish good, friendly relationships with one or maybe two young women, treating them as human beings, rather than sex objects? Take a young lady out for the evening, have a good time, then maybe share a good-night kiss, but leave it at that for the night.
In the fullness of time, some nice girl will get to like you for yourself and may even decide to share her bed with you. Who knows?
One final point: Any guy who has been rejected by a lot of girls should ask himself if by any chance he has bad breath. Make sure you clean your teeth several times a day. Ask a male pal to sniff your breath and tell you if you have halitosis. If you have, then see a dentist.
Q Because of a mistake in my menstrual dates last month, I ended up taking Postinor twice.
Could this give me cancer, Doc?
A No, it couldn't, but the makers of the so-called 'morning after pill' do not recommend taking it twice in one cycle.
If you are not too good at arithmetic and at working out the dates of your periods, why not switch to a regular and reliable method of contraception like the IUD (coil)?
Q As a guy of 17 and a virgin, I am very interested in girls, but I am fretting about the fact that last week I found myself masturbating while looking at a photo of a handsome man.
Doc, do you think I am going to be gay?
A It's possible, even though on the basis of what you have told me, I would say that the odds are still against it.
However, I would advise you to avoid masturbating while looking at photos of men. Psychologists have found that reaching an orgasm while looking at a particular sexual image tends to imprint that type of picture on a person's mind.
In other words, your subconscious may keep wanting to do the same thing again.
Q My mother does not want me to take the Pill, but as I am now 18, can she stop me, Doc?
A Legally, you are now
entitled to take the Pill without your mom's permission, but if you do that, it might lead to a lot of fuss in the family.
In the past, what I have found useful in similar situations is to get both the daughter and the mother to come into the doctor's office and talk things over. That often helps.
For instance, in one case, after 20 minutes of discussion, the mom and her daughter agreed that the young woman would probably start the Pill in six months' time, but not immediately. In the meantime, the mother and the young lady agreed to talk seriously together about the dangers of premarital sex.
Q Doctor, is it true that smoking can make a guy lose his nature?
A Well, there is some truth to that. Smoking will not make you lose your virility immediately, but over a period of many years, cigarettes can make the inside of your blood-carrying tubes kind of 'fur up'.
As a result, they get partly blocked and cannot deliver blood properly to the penis (and to other organs). That is why erectile dysfunction is much commoner than average among middle-aged smokers.
So my advice to young people (both male and female) is that you do not start smoking.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.