Fri | Jan 19, 2018

Dear Counsellor | Is he really mean?

Published:Tuesday | January 31, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q The man I call father is not really my father, but he took good care of me while my parents were overseas seeking a better life. He is really my uncle. He raised me and two boys. I was his only girl child. He was very generous with all his adopted children when we were growing up. His wife died seven years ago. They had no children. He is in his 80s. Now he is in poor health. He will not spend any money on himself to get adequate medical attention. He complains that he has no money. The truth is he has millions in the bank. He also gets a good pension. In addition, he gets rent from one of his houses. I am the one who spends on his medical care. It is not a burden. I also know that he has made his will and the two boys he raised will get one house each. They do not help him. In fact, they do not even keep in touch. They are well off. Is my uncle so mean that he will not use his money on himself? What can I do?

A Unfortunately, there are persons who complain in life that they have no money but when they die, they leave a lot of money behind. Apparently, it makes them feel good that they accumulated much money and leave it. It is a sign that they did well in life. It might not be that your uncle is mean. It could be that he is suffering from an illness. Please let a doctor assess whether he is mentally OK. He is not mean because he will be leaving the houses for his adopted sons.

Since you can afford to take care of him then do it as a response to his kindness when you were growing up. In addition, have a candid and compassionate talk with him about spending some of his money on himself. Furthermore, you could discuss with him whether he wants to give you power of attorney so that you can better care for him as he gets older.

Perhaps you are upset that he is leaving the houses for those ungrateful boys. Forget about that and do not be weary in well doing.