Doctor’s Advice | A ‘girl-girl’ affaire
Q Can you give me your medical advice about a 'girl-girl' affaire that I have somehow gotten myself into, doc?
I am 17, and a school student. I am still (just about!) a virgin, though I have dated several boys during the last year. I enjoyed kissing them, though their attempts at 'fooling around' sexually with me have been pretty clumsy. To be frank, none of them has brought me to orgasm.
Doc, I should tell you that I do occasionally masturbate, when I am feeling real sexy. I have no difficulty in reaching a climax on my own.
Well, back at Christmas I met an older girl, who was in fact just leaving my college. We were both at a party, and it happened that we had to have a 'sleepover' at the same place. I was feeling a little unhappy, because a boy had 'ditched' me, and she ended up cuddling and comforting me.
I don't know how it happened, but during the night her hands began to 'stray'. The result was that I unexpectedly climaxed. I was real embarrassed by this, doc, but she just laughed a lot, and told me where it would be 'good for me'.
Since then, I have seen her two to three times, on what I suppose you could call 'dates'. On each occasion, we have cuddled and kissed, and occasionally gone a little further.
But now she is going to England to live with her family for a year. And I don't really know where my life is going, doctor.
Am I a lesbian? Do you think that SHE is a lesbian? Is lesbianism actually illegal in Jamaica? And what is the situation in England, if I travelled there to join her?
What would you advise me to do now?
A I think I should begin by telling you that in a very large sex survey published in the US of A last year, 17.4 per cent of women said that they had had sexual contact with other females. However, only 1.3 per cent of women classed themselves as 'lesbian'.
This does seem to confirm what many previous sex surveys have suggested - that a lot of young females do play around with what is often called 'lipstick lesbianism' for a short while in their teens or early 20s - but they adopt a 'straight' lifestyle later on.
Some research carried out many years ago suggested convincingly that girls were more likely to fool around with other females when they were:
- Away from home
- In some distress
And when this happened to you at Christmas, you were certainly away from home, and distressed over being dumped by a boy.
Summing up, I don't really think that you are a lesbian - though there may be some BISEXUAL elements in your character at the present moment.
Is the other young lady a lesbian? I have no idea. But she has gone off to England, so she is 'out of the picture' for at least a year.
I don't think you should follow her there. I feel you should stay in Jamaica, explore your own sexuality, and see how it goes.
To answer your legal questions: In Jamaica, lesbianism has never been illegal. This is sometimes claimed to be due to the fact that back in the 19th century, when England was laying down laws concerning homosexuality, no one dared tell Queen Victoria that women sometimes had sex with each other!
In the UK, too, lesbianism has never been illegal. And in the US, it has been legal everywhere since a Supreme Court decision in 2003. Whether that might change in the future is anybody's guess!
Q Doc, I have a really long foreskin, which a girl has laughed at.
Would it be safe for me to cut it off myself?
A I beg you not to try this foolish action! You might do yourself terrible harm.
Please go to a doctor, show him your foreskin, and ask him whether you should get circumcised by a surgeon.
Q Doctor, I am 18. If I started taking the Pill, would it diminish my interest in sex?
A Look, worldwide there are about 100 million women who are taking the Pill. They wouldn't be doing so if loss of sexual desire was a big problem.
In fact, a few women do lose interest in sex when they go on the Pill, but many other females actually get sexier when they start taking it. Partly, that is because they know that they can now have sex whenever they like without fretting about pregnancy!
So I guess you can go ahead without any fear of losing your sexual desire. If by any chance you did suffer any loss of libido, your doctor would probably switch you to another brand.
Q As a guy of 20, I am concerned by the fact that once I have discharged inside my girlfriend, I cannot reach another erection for two hours!
Doc, I have seen porn films where the male actor has sex with a woman and then is ready to do it again almost immediately with someone else.
Is there something wrong with me? Should I get my hormones tested?
A I think you are expecting a little too much of yourself.
Very importantly, please bear in mind that you cannot believe anything which you see in a 'blue movie'! It may appear that the hero is 'ready for more action' immediately after having had sex, but for all you know, there may have been a week between filming the first bout of sex and the second one.
The other thing you need to remember is that males differ a lot in their recovery time after sex. One young man may possibly be able to get an erection within a quarter-hour after orgasming, while another guy can't really do much more that day. They are both normal, and that's the way it is!
You could ask a doctor to arrange a test of your male hormone (testosterone) level, but I forecast that the result would be completely normal, so do not waste your money.
Q I am a woman who has a lot of sex, so I arranged to have the Depo-Provera jab. Is it true that it can cause thin bones?
A That seems likely - at least in the long term.
So although 'the Shot' is a really good contraceptive, I would advise young women not to continue using it for years and years. You don't want to end up in middle age with fragile and easily broken bones.
Q Could masturbation give a guy headaches?
A No. That is quite impossible, so quit fretting.
Q I'm 20 and female. The other night, when I was in bed with my loving boyfriend, I orgasmed - and a lot of fluid came out of me and soaked the sheet.
Is this dangerous, Doc?
A No. This may have been a slight leak of urine, or it may have been what is called 'female ejaculation', which is a normal reaction to sexual stimulation in a minority of women. The fluid is thought to be a glandular secretion, which is quite harmless.
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org, and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.