Dear Counsellor | I'm done with my daughter
My only daughter eloped. She never said a word to us as parents. We sent her to university and she graduated and has not worked since. We know nothing about the husband. We do not know where he works or his occupation; we do not know his background or his parents. We do not know whether he is a doctor, lawyer, Indian chief of thief. Even after her marriage she has not said anything to us. We heard from a mutual friend about the wedding. I am finished with her. She has no respect. She is ungrateful after all that we have done for her. However, my husband is saying that we should reach out to them. Who is right?
A: It is not so much who is right but just different approaches. You are angry and disappointed in her behaviour. She has disrespected you and her father. In addition, your son-in-law has no class. However, your husband is saying that those who know better should do better. They have gone low but you can go high. So, take the high road and give them another chance.
Perhaps they did a secret marriage because she felt you might not approve of her choice. It could also be for economic reasons that they chose to have a small personal wedding. It could be that a job opportunity came up overseas which she could benefit from by being married. But do not speculate. Instead, congratulate her and her husband as if nothing happened. In fact, give them your blessings along with a wedding gift. In addition, pledge to support them in their marriage. This might just make her explain her unconventional approach and make her open up to you about her future and her husband.
Do not take it personal or blame yourself or your husband. Instead, make the best of a bad situation by going the extra mile.