Doctor's Advice | Two guys and one girl
Q Hi Doc, how keeping? My best friend and I are two guys, age 17, and we are in love with the same girl. She is 20.
We don't want to fall out over this, so we want to reach some peaceful agreement. I respect his point of view and he respects mine.
As for the girl, she seems to like us both the same. She has not said 'I love you' to either of us, but she knows that we both love her. However, when either of us guys mentions 'love', she just laughs.
Well, as far as sex is concerned, both of us guys are still virgins, but she is willing to go out on dates with either of us. We have each dated her several times over the last three months.
The two of us have 'compared notes' about what happens on these dates and it is clear that she is quite happy to kiss and cuddle with each of us. Both of us have also handled her breasts. She seems to like that.
In recent weeks, it has gone a little further. My friend told me that he has had a 'hand job' from this girl. I was a little bit jealous about that, Doc! But then the following night when I dated her, she did the same for me. I even orgasmed, which was quite a surprise.
So I guess we two guys are about equal, but I do not think it can go on like this! Do you?
A No, I don't, because human beings are what they are. There are almost certainly going to be some problems here. There has already been a little jealousy between you two young guys and my guess is that this will happen again.
Also, I notice that this obliging young lady is three years older than you two are. Forgive my saying so, but she may possibly be a little more mature than you guys. Certainly, it does not sound as though she wants to think about love with either of you.
In fact, it may be that she is just amusing herself with you two young men and is perhaps waiting till someone older comes along. Do not be too surprised if you soon find out that she is dating someone else - a male of her own age, perhaps!
What should you do now? I feel that the pair of you should consider temporarily bringing an end to this 'triangle' relationship. You might be able to agree that for the next six months, neither of you should see her. Then you could just see what happens!
My bet is that either:
- This lady will find a new boyfriend; or else
- One or both of you will find new girlfriends.
And, with luck, everything will calm down. Stay cool and try, if possible, to maintain your friendship with your buddy. I wish you all well.
Q My menses are real bad, Doc. They pain me so much that I cry for three days a month.
I have tried painkillers like aspirin and paracetamol, but they don't work.
Could this be cancer?
A No. That is almost impossible. Unfortunately, many healthy, normal young women do get real bad, disabling menstrual pain.
You must go to the doctor and see what he/she says. There are various other medications available that are much stronger than the painkillers you have been taking.
Also, the doctor may opt to treat you with hormones. For instance, a Pill-type preparation could abolish this pain altogether. It will also give you regular and light menses.
Q As a male, I am 'plagued' by erections. Doc, I just can't help getting them. It is most embarrassing because I fear that people will notice them.
Often, they are started off by vibrations, like when I am in a bus or a car. At other times, they just happen. Often, I will get one if I see a pretty girl walking down the street.
So I am asking you kindly, Doc. Is there anything you doctors could give me which would prevent me from getting erections?
A No, there isn't. In young men (particularly teenagers), erections are a normal part of life. They happen, and there is nothing you can do to prevent them. Fortunately, they are usually gone in about three or four minutes.
As a general rule, a guy's pants will hide his erections. But if you think that yours may be showing, you should be prepared to hold a newspaper or perhaps a book in front of you.
Note: these erections will not be so common when you are older.
Q What are the symptoms of sexually transmitted infection (STI) in girls, Doc? I had sex with a boy in Clarendon last week and I am fretting.
A Most unfortunately, STIs often produce no symptoms in a young woman. So the person may not realise that she has caught something off a guy.
If you do get any symptoms, they tend to be:
- pain while passing urine;
- sometimes, slight pinkish blood loss;
- blisters on the sex organ (the vulva).
So, because these infections frequently produce no symptoms, the only safe rule is this. If you feel you have taken a chance, particularly with somebody new, then go and get yourself tested!
And do not have sex until you have been told that you are OK and have no infection.
Q My girlfriend went off to England for six months to see her family. I am sorry to say that while she was there, she had sex with an English guy.
She is now back home and we are together again. But Doc, do you think that she could have given me syphilis? Could she have caught it in England?
A Relax. Syphilis is real rare in England, except among male gays. And it seems rather unlikely that she could have gone with a gay guy.
She could, however, have caught other sexually transmitted infections in England. So if either of you is in doubt, you should both get tested by a doctor or clinic.
Q I am female, age 19, and I am desperate to avoid getting pregnant. I am afraid I am having quite a bit of sex.
Could I get that contraceptive implant under my skin, Doc?
A Sure. The contraceptive implant is a little hormone-containing tube which a doctor (or nurse) fits under the skin of your upper arm. It works real well.
However, there have been reports from various countries of doctors trying to put it in, but not knowing what they were doing. This has resulted in accidental pregnancies.
So make sure that the health professional who you consult is really experienced in inserting an implant.
Q I am a 20-year-old female and, I guess, I am highly-sexed. I have had three boyfriends, but I also do not masturbate.
Am I abnormal?
A No, not at all. Although, these days, quite a lot of young women do masturbate, many do not.
There is nothing at all abnormal about that. It is not compulsory!
- Email questions to Doc at email@example.com, and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.