Doctor’s Advice | In love with a lecturer
Q Doc, could you give me your views? I am a female student, and for the last two months, I have been unable to think about anything except a youngish male lecturer. I don't know how this happened because when we first met, we didn't get on at all! In fact, I disliked him heartily.
So when a month ago, he asked me for a date, I was astonished. But I went. We had quite a 'difficult' evening, with a lot of verbal 'sparring', but at the end of it, I liked him more.
So when he asked me for a kiss, I gave in. Well, in fact, I did rather more than that because we ended the date by going to bed together and I stayed the night with him.
Doctor, this was first-ever time that I had sex. So the fact is that I gave him my virginity.
It hurt a little at the time, but afterwards, I was quite pleased that I had got rid of the virginity. He told me I had been 'great', but whether he meant it or not, I do not know.
Much to my disappointment, since then, he has not asked me out again! But I find that I just keep thinking about him. His image fills my mind. I dream about cuddling with him and sometimes I wake up muttering his name!
Very fortunately, that night, he did use a condom (or rather, condoms). Still, it was a great relief when my menses arrived around two weeks ago, so I am not pregnant.
But can you please answer two questions, Doc:
Why am I so obsessed with him? (I think about him every waking moment!)
Why hasn't he asked me for another date? Surely, he must be interested in me having taken my virginity!
A Thank you for being so frank. I have changed one or two small details of your story so that there will be no danger that you could be identified at the university or college. Now to your questions:
Your first question. Why are you so obsessed with this guy? Because you are in love with him. That's why!
I presume that you have never been in love before, so you didn't realise what it is like. Well, now you do know! Love is usually all-consuming in the sense that the person who is in love can often think of little else, apart from the beloved!
What many people don't realise is that when a girl loses her virginity, she often starts feeling that she is in love with the guy who took it. This psychological phenomenon is known as 'imprinting'.
But it doesn't often happen the other way round. Thus, when a guy loses his virginity, he's unlikely to get an immediate feeling that he is in love with the female. Alas, he even may be thinking to himself: 'How soon can I do it with someone else?'
Your second question. Why hasn't the lecturer asked you out on another date? Well, I must be real honest and say that maybe he isn't all that interested. Perhaps, he has other girlfriends. Or maybe he is busy with his work.
It seems real unlikely that he is in love with you. After all, he has made no attempt to contact you during the last month. Unless he is very shy, that does indicate a lack of interest.
I feel that you could have one try at establishing a relationship with him. But do not walk up to him and say 'I love you!' Instead, why not go up to him and say: 'I enjoyed our date, so shall we have another one?'
You must be prepared for rejection. But I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Q Doc, we are a teenage couple and we are desperate to get at each other's bodies!
But what methods of contraception are available?
We gather there are two or three.
A No, there are actually 15! But the common ones which are useful for teenage couples include:
- the condom;
- the female condom;
- the Pill;
- the injection (the Jab or Shot);
- the intrauterine device (or coil);
- the intrauterine sysem (or 'medicated' coil);
- the vaginal ring;
- the implant.
Please pick one of them before you start having intercourse.
Q I am 20 and female. Doctor, I must admit that I have been with half a dozen guys, and usually enjoyed it. But the fact is that I have also been to bed with three or four women, and I enjoyed that, too.
Do you think I am bisexual?
A Sounds very much like it, but sexual orientation often takes quite a while to develop. So it is possible that you may feel differently in three or four years' time.
Q I am 17. I have a slight discharge on my pants every day, except when I am menstruating. Does this matter?
A Probably not. All women produce moist vaginal secretions, which vary at different times of the menstrual month. The only time a young woman need worry about a secretion coming from the vagina is if it is:
- causing an itch;
- causing discomfort or pain;
- brown, green or yellow;
In any of those circumstances, you should see a doc as soon as possible.
Q Hello, Doc. I am guy of 17, and I have only been with one girl. But we did it many times.
How would I know if I had that 'HPV' thing?
A At the moment, there is no way of knowing whether you have human papilloma virus (HPV).
Best advice is to avoid sleeping around, and if you have sex, try always to use a condom.
Q I get real bad 'period pain', Doc. My mom astonished me by telling me that one of her 'anti-rheumatism' pills would help. Is this really true?
A Surprisingly, there is some truth in this, but you should not try your mom's tablets. Instead, you should talk to a doctor about getting some strong pills from her, on prescription.
There are one or two brands of anti-rheumatism pills which are helpful in period pain. They include Ponstan (a.k.a mefenamic acid). But be careful; too many can give you a bellyache!
Q As a guy of 19, I have tried several times to have sex with girls. But as soon as I get inside, I can't help climaxing!
This is awful, Doc. Sometimes the girls laugh at me.
A Sorry to hear that. Like many young guys, you have a degree of premature ejaculation. This is mainly caused from nervousness and over-excitement.
When you get older, matters will probably improve. I guess you will find things easier when you have a regular, loving and, I hope, understanding partner.
She would be able to help you last much longer with the famous squeeze technique. But you cannot expect a casual girlfriend to know how to do this for you.
As a temporary measure, you could try those 'Long Love' condoms, which contain a local anaesthetic. Alternatively, there is a pill which your doctor might be willing to prescribe, which slows everything down.
But above all, keep calm and try not to get too excited in bed, if possible!
- Email questions to Doc at firstname.lastname@example.org, and read more in the 'Outlook Magazine' tomorrow.