Sat | Aug 18, 2018

Dear Counsellor | Ex husband wants me back

Published:Tuesday | December 19, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Q My husband and I had a good marriage. We were both doing well professionally. We have two wonderful children. In addition, we did things together as a family. He never complained and I was satisfied. I got the shock of my life when he said he wanted a divorce without giving a reason, except that he wants to move on. In fact, he moved out and went to live with his secretary. Everybody apparently knew that he was having an affair for years with her. Now, he wants to come back and even wants to remarry me. He will only say that it was a mistake to divorce me, but gives no details. To be honest, I do not think I had stopped loving him even while he was away for the five years. I think it would be good for the children. However, I have many unanswered questions. Should I accept this proposal?

A: It took him so long to realise his mistake? You are to be commended for still loving your ex-husband. However, his actions of non-disclosure about why he left and why he wants to come are not encouraging. It does not sound like someone who is madly in love with you. Is he coming back because the girlfriend dumped him? Is he in financial trouble? Does he miss your good treatment? Perhaps even if he tells you a reason, it might not be the truth. What guarantee has he given or demonstrated to you that he will be committed to you and the relationship this time? You have survived without him for five years. You survived when he was being unfaithful. It could be that he is a user. It is going to be difficult to trust him. He made a drastic decision to divorce you. There are too many uncertainties. When in doubt, leave it out.