Fri | Oct 19, 2018

Dear Counsellor | My best friend had sex with my girl!

Published:Tuesday | January 2, 2018 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have a best friend and sometimes we would double date. All four of us would go out and have fun. He has a lovely girlfriend. I trusted my girlfriend. However, to my horror and shock, he had sex with my girlfriend. It was during a period when we were having some issues. When he confessed to me what happened, I was devastated. My girlfriend has not said anything about it. My best friend has asked for forgiveness and promised that he would never do it again. He asked me not to say anything to his girlfriend. I cannot get this off my mind and wonder how my girl could have done that to me. Many reasons come to my mind, and sometimes I think about it and feel as if I am losing it. I do not want anything to do with her. How do I handle this?

A: How do you know that what your best friend said is true since you have not confronted your girlfriend? You seem to blame your girlfriend more than your best friend for the unfaithfulness. Why? In addition, why did he confess to you? It seems his conscience was killing him and he has relieved himself and passed on the hurt to you. He does not want his girlfriend to know - maybe because he does not want her to leave him. He wants to eat his cake and have it. If what he confessed is true, then your best friend and your girlfriend have betrayed you badly. Sometimes it is your friends who hurt you most, rather than your enemies.

You are now deeply hurt and your girlfriend has not said anything to you about the matter. Perhaps speaking to her or your best friend's girlfriend could help you ease the pain, but then it's your call. You are obviously struggling with this treachery, so seek professional help and hopefully you will overcome. Be open to the possibility that the relationship with your girl and with your best friend might be over.