Sat | Dec 15, 2018

When the right one comes in the wrong package

Published:Saturday | March 24, 2018 | 12:00 AM


I was the only one who offered

to carry your books

took all the stares and laughter

with the dirty looks

but I saw then what they see now

They all want to ask you for a date

They don't know how, they don't know how

- Homely Girl - Chilites


She has a masters degree and is happily married to the man of her dreams, who barely finished high school and is now a bus driver. Her friends think she has lost her mind settling for someone like that when she could have been with someone who is more in her 'class'. She smiles in contentment as they don't know how her husband makes her feel loved, cherished and doesn't give her a day's stress.

The above scenario is a real-life situation and one which also highlights why so many men and women miss out on the one who could have fulfilled them, because their eyes were firmly fixed on the 'package'.

Making the decision on a life's partner is not something that should be taken lightly, considering that you will be spending the rest of your life with that person. It is, therefore, important to ensure that the decision is prayerfully made with the right mindset and free of pre-conceived biases.

Family and Religion reached out to guidance counsellor Dawit Jeffrey to weigh in on the issue. He acknowledged that bias exists as it pertains to a person's socioeconomic level, qualification and status in life.

He admits, too, that the shoe could very well fall on the other foot where the overly qualified person is shunned as the other party feels they can't measure up in the relationship.




"Getting to know people can blow your mind, so one should be mindful of the fact that although the 'package' might not come wrapped with a bow, doesn't mean it's not the right one," he shared.

Addressing the preconceptions that many have, he said it all begins in the growing-up stage. He said that whether male or female, they develop an image of the kind of person they will want in the future.

"We would maybe want a tall, dark, handsome guy with muscles, or a slim brown girl with long hair. As we grow older, our perception of whom we want to spend the rest of our lives with changes. Let's be frank, having our fairy-tale partner is not good to an extent," he points out, adding that sometimes that choice is not always what God has for us.

"Sometimes the requirements that we seek in other people are not the best for us. If we leave everything in our own hands we would falter terribly, so why not leave it to the Creator who knows best, He knows the perfect requirements," he said.

Warning that holding hard and fast to your 'dream partner' can stand in the way of getting the right one. Jeffery points out that because of that desire, it will see that person ignoring what is in front of their very eyes.

"We all have our attitudes and perceptions that we hold dear to our hearts, but on the other hand, it can be a downfall. Some of our mindsets can push away the person you are meant to be with," he said.

According to Jeffery, sometimes the person of your dreams might not come in the package that you would have wanted, but there should be a room in your life to recognise that what is placed in front of you has been divinely provided.

"We all deserve happiness in this world and also someone to enjoy it with so with that in mind, my one urge is to be patient, wise and in communication with your Maker as, ultimately, His guidance will lead you on the path that you are destined to tread."