Sun | Nov 18, 2018

Unmarried and celibate - The brothers of the Church speak up Pt 1(b)

Published:Saturday | August 4, 2018 | 12:00 AMTamara Bailey/Gleaner Writer
Silburn Reid

Manchester, Jamaica:

In a time when ladies have become more liberal with their church attire - with skirts getting tighter, dresses hugging bodies more and tops cut a little deeper - it is becoming harder for Christian men to keep on the path of the straight and narrow.

But for young Silburn Reid, who we introduced last week, there are many methods of avoiding the temptations facing him daily.

"I've personally had problems with how female dress, and I know they could do a lot better with their attire. I speak with them personally and, for some, they wear clothes and have no intentions to sexually entice a man, while others wilfully do it, knowing the erotic feeling it generates in the males. Those are the females who I am afraid of because if she grabs you like Potiphar did, you may leave more than a coat with her, especially if you don't have that sexual discipline," he said, laughing.

He added, "The most important thing is that you have a wilful desire to control the urge. Managing my sexual urges has been a struggle for some time, but these are some of the things that have helped me to be disciplined."

First, Reid says, you need an accountability partner. That person who knows everything about you and checks in on you regularly.

"You have to get someone who you can trust with the real you, and they don't judge you. They don't look at the fact that you're a preacher, but they see you struggling and want to help. This person is important because he is the one who helps you and gives you pointers."

 

Crucial Method

 

The young preacher shared another crucial method - block and delete. He said that 99 per cent of males' sexual urges is triggered by what is seen - the girl in the yoga pants in town, the naked picture you got in your direct message, and the porn websites that you are watching.

"Therefore, if seeing something gets you turned on, then you must turn off what you're seeing. Block that girl so you don't see her Snap(Chat), her direct message or even the new profile picture of her 'summer body'. Personally, I had to make a list of all the things that triggered my urges and then dealt with them individually. I noticed that when I scroll on Instagram late at nights and go into the explore section, it's always something sexual. I didn't delete Instagram, but I don't go on the 'explore' section, or I just don't scroll on it at nights. Late nights intensify [sexual urges], so avoid apps, messaging, or anything that will trigger that urge. Read a book, watch a movie, or do something that the night was made for - sleep."

For some individuals, when an urge comes on, if there is no one to help them deal with it, they then help themselves through masturbation. This, Reid explains, is a dangerous act.

"... With masturbation, you are training yourself to be pleased only by yourself. If you take a medical view, you will understand that during masturbation, you are rewriting the sexual codes in the brain, and sooner or later, you find out that your husband or wife can't please you sexually because you practised with yourself so much, so often and nobody can do it better than you ...".

 

BE ALONE, NOT LONELY

 

Reid acknowledged that one must learn to be alone and not feel lonely.

"I've learned that it's better I watch Netflix by myself and go to sleep than to watch it with somebody else and [be] sleeping with them. It also means that I try to avoid places and situations that can create an opportunity to have sex. My granny always say, 'Don't heat the oven if you don't plan to bake anything'."

Reid says that while there are many subscribing to the 'nah buy puss ina bag' ideology, there are great rewards for waiting patiently and remaining celibate until after marriage.

familyandreligion@gleanerjm.com