Is marriage for you?
Love and marriage, love and marriage They go together like a horse and carriage This I tell you, brother You can't have one without the other
- Frank Sinatra - Love and Marriage
Most persons dream of finding the perfect one for them and spending the rest of their lives living in blissful harmony. However, real life cannot be scripted like the storybooks, and many find that after the honeymoon, their marriages turn out to be a 'living nightmare'. This highlights the simple fact that, apart from the stars in their eyes, there was little else to prepare them for what should have been their lifetime adventure.
Family & Religion reached out to Kimola Brown Lowe, ordained minister and gospel artiste, for insight into the issue.
Lowe said that many persons are who are searching for 'Mr or Miss Right', refrain from doing their own self-examination on whether they are the same for their partner.
"One should first consider (to) themselves: how spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared and ready they are to make a 100 per cent investment in another person's life," she pointed out.
Indicating that there are some fiercely independent women out there who refrain from being accountable for how they carry out their affairs, she stressed that they should take that into consideration and be willing to give that up.
"In other words, selfishness in any way, fashion, or form, will be detrimental to a relationship," she said, adding that there must be a mindset that a relationship is an investment, and not the opportunity for prospective partners to undo all the wrongs that were done to that person.
She said that although your expectations will escalate, you should try not to have expectations of the other person, on the basis that one has invested.
Lowe shared that one of the most important aspects in a relationship that should not be overlooked is compatibility. Things that can reflect these are interests and supportive purposes.
Reassuring those wishing to take the matrimonial plunge, Lowe said that they need not worry as there are several glaring signs that one's intended may not necessarily be the one for them. And if you are the problem person in the union, then there are steps that can be taken to ensure that one is truly prepared to embark on the journey.
Topping the list of all the preparations is prayer and commitment to God.
Lowe shared that intended couples should go out together, and preferably in public spaces or in groups. This, she said, will avoid their rushing into physical activities as this may end up overshadowing other important things.
Most persons shy away from revealing that they are courting, springing the big wedding announcement as a surprise. Lowe said that they should become accountable to a responsible spiritual leader as hiding gives way to mistakes.
During the courtship period, Lowe said it is wise to get an idea off each other's daily routine, life vision, and, ultimately, each other's aim in life.
"This will give you an idea of where this person is going and if your destinies coincide," she said.
There are several questions that should be asked, she said, prior to marriage, and these include asking if they really want to be married; how they view marriage; their vision for their life; how they see themselves, and how they expect to be treated as a husband/wife, among others.
Based on the responses given, the minister said that you should have a good idea if you are aligning yourself with the right person.
Regarding some of the 'red lights' that may cause plans to be halted regarding marriage, Lowe said that they include lack of conversation and interest; and if you are pulling in two opposite directions.
In concluding, the ordained minister reminds that "marriage is honourable and is an institution put on the Earth by God. No one should enter into marriage unadvised. It should not be taken lightly. It's investment into another person; therefore, the question becomes, what can I do for you?"