Mon | Sep 25, 2017

Should I give my husband a 'Jacket'?

Published:Sunday | October 5, 2014 | 10:00 AM
  • Should I give my husband a  'Jacket'?

Q. Doctor, I am a wife who is in a very big dilemma. My husband and I have been married for nine years and we still do not have any children! We have never taken any contraceptive precautions and we have sex around three times a week. It was the same thing in his previous marriage. They were married for around five years and they had no children. So I have come to the conclusion that my spouse is probably infertile.

Now, Doc, I am desperate for children. I would really love a little baby to call my own, so I am very unhappy. Earlier this year, I came up with a plan to help me deal with this situation. I agreed with my husband that I would go to England for a month to see my sister who is a nurse in London.

Doc, I am not proud of what I did, but could see no other way out of the situation. On the flight to England, my menses started. Around two weeks later, someone had arranged a 'welcome' party for me. It was a very nice occasion and I met a lot of old friends, plus some new ones. Well, you will not be surprised to hear that I danced a few very slow songs with one of the men who came alone. He was the best-looking man in the room. Soon after midnight, I took him off to a quiet bedroom, and in about five minutes, I had managed to get him very excited. To his surprise, I whipped off my pantyhose and invited him to have sex with me.

I never saw him after that night, and I don't know much about him, except that he has some high-powered job in England. When it was almost time for me to return home, my menses were due again. But they never came. So just before I left, I went into a chemists near Heathrow and did a pregnancy test. Yes, it was positive!

On the flight home, I thought my heart would burst with joy at the idea that I was at last expecting a child. Then I began to think about my husband and I realised that things could be quite difficult with him. After all, I could hardly tell him that I had deliberately become pregnant by another man.

The solution I came up with was this. He drove me home from the airport, and as soon as we got home, I told him that I was desperate with desire for him and we must have sex immediately. He happily agreed and, in fact, that was the best 'session' we had for years. I had multiple orgasms before we fell asleep.

Well, now you can see what my dilemma is, Doc. Should I just keep quiet and then tell him in a month or so that I am pregnant? I could say that it happened on the night he brought me home from the airport.

I think that the 'dates' would be close enough for him to be convinced. Of course, he might be surprised that I have conceived after all these years. But I thought I could tell him that I had some 'fertility treatment' in England and that is why I conceived on the night I came home. Would this work?

One other thing, Doc. My sister and I had been talking about DNA. During my night of passion with that Englishman, I discreetly used some tissues to collect a specimen of his fluid. Since then, I have kept it in a plastic bag, which is sealed very tight. Have you any good ideas as to how I should proceed, Doctor?

A. Well, I can't see how the DNA specimen from your one-night-stand lover is going to be of any use unless, at some point in the future, you decide to prove that the baby is his. That could be very difficult.

Now I do understand that your desire for motherhood drove you to do what you did, but I am sure that you can see that giving your husband a 'jacket' is wrong. If one day he found out, then it might be possible for him to take some kind of legal action against you, especially if he has a good lawyer!

Trying to lie to your husband and convince him that you had 'fertility treatment' in Britain is not likely to help. If he has any sense, he will guess exactly what kind of 'fertility treatment' that was. One other thought occurs to me. If the one-time lover looks nothing like your husband, or if the two men have quite different complexions, then when the baby arrives, your secret could be revealed.

I think you should have a conversation with a reliable and experienced older person, like a pastor or a counsellor, and discuss whether it would be better to make a fair and honest admission to your spouse. Just occasionally, husbands who are in this situation decide to welcome the baby with open arms.

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