Tue | Sep 19, 2017

Dear doc:My colleague gave me cunnilingus

Published:Sunday | October 12, 2014 | 10:00 AM

Q: Doc, I am a divorced woman and a teacher. Earlier this year, I was feeling very sorry for a male colleague whose wife had left him.

So, I went to dinner with him, and after the meal, we returned to his place for half an hour or so. During that time, we kissed quite a lot, and I misguidedly let him perform oral sex on me.

I must admit that it was very nice, and I orgasmed. At that point, I realised that things were getting out of hand, so I told him 'That's as far as it goes', straightened up my clothes and went home.

Since then, I have not seen him socially, though naturally we say hello when we encounter each other at work, like in the corridors.

But something very disquieting happened the other day. A colleague, who is a great friend of mine, whispered to me that one of the reasons why his wife left him was that he had brought home a venereal disease!

She mentioned something about 'bad blood', though I do not really know what that is, and I have been unable to find it on Wikipedia. So now I am really worried. Do you think he could have given me a sexual infection that night?

A: Let me first deal with this question of 'bad blood'. That is an old phrase, which I have not heard for some years. It is not a proper medical term, but it is something that people used to say in Jamaica and in the southern United States.

Occasionally, it refers to the venereal disease called syphilis. But in Jamaica, it generally means the childhood sickness called 'yaws' - which used to be very common in certain country areas until a generation ago. It is not a venereal disease.

Now I don't know what on earth your friend has heard about this man, but if by any chance he really did have 'bad blood' (which seems to me most unlikely), then that would probably just mean that he caught childhood yaws when he was a child in the country. There would be no danger to you at all.

What about sexually transmitted infections (STIs)? Well, you don't have any real evidence that he ever had one. All you have to go on is a rumour which your friend passed on to you.

But if he has had an STI, then the good news is that cunnilingus, which, as I am sure you know, is oral sex given to a woman, is not very 'efficient' at spreading STIs. Admittedly, if your colleague had an STI in his mouth or throat, then he could have given it to you.

But if he had an infection in the most usual place (that is, the penis), then he couldn't have given it to you by kissing your clitoral area.

Nevertheless, as there is a slight element of doubt, I would recommend that you go to your own doctor and have a genital check-up for infections. Please take a specimen of urine with you and ask the doctor to test it for chlamydia.

Q: I am a 30-year-old guy and I seem to be totally unlike any other man my age. You see, I am very much attracted to older women.

Don't laugh at me for this. I can't help it! I have always been this way. I really, really love older film stars, like Kim Basinger who is almost 61 - and, therefore, 31 years older than me. Sometimes, I even dream about beautiful women who are in their 70s.

Is there something wrong with me, Doc? When I was younger, I never went out with a girl my own age. And even today, I cannot get interested in women who are 28 or 30 years old. I have had a few dates with women in their 40s and 50s, and those went pretty well.

But am I sick, or what?

A: No, you are not sick. You are just in a small minority of men who fancy women who are old enough to be their mothers or possibly grandmothers.

Though I say a small minority, the fact is that worldwide, there are literally millions of men like you. That is why there is such a thriving branch of the porn industry which is called Granny-porn.

Why are some men like this? Some psychologists theorise that men like you have become fixated on mature women while they were in their infancy. I have treated several men who have had similar interests and it was noted that they all had unusually warm childhood relationships with their mothers.

You could try and get yourself some long-term therapy to try and make you more interested in younger women and less interested in older ones. But, frankly, it would be expensive and there is no guarantee that it would work!

So my best advice to you is that you should accept yourself as you are. You could date women in their late 30s and 40s and see how it goes. But my forecast is that you will probably end up marrying somebody pretty mature, who might be 50 or more. There is nothing wrong with that.

Q: I have really had enough of all those hormones in the Pill, Doctor! I read in a book that there is something called the diaphragm, which is suitable for women who come off the Pill.

But does it work? I lead a very vigorous sex life and I don't want to run any risks of pregnancy.

A: Yes, the diaphragm works pretty well, provided that:

You have been 'fitted' by a doctor or nurse who can then prescribe the right size for you;

You have been taught how to put it in and how to use it correctly.

The diaphragm is a little dome-shaped thing, about the size of a small saucer. You squeeze it up in order to insert it into your vagina. And then you place it so that it covers your cervix, thus making it almost impossible for sperms to get into your womb. But you should also put a spermicidal gel or cream on your cap, to make yourself even safer.

What you should do now is to find a gyno or a doctor who is experienced in family planning. She will 'measure you up' and then instruct you how to use the diaphragm.

Q: I am a 34-year-old male virgin, and at last I have the chance to lose my virginity, Doc!

But I am terrified about things going wrong. Should I take a tranquiliser before?

A: No. It might actually impair your performance, or it might send you to sleep at the crucial moment!

Why not just talk to the woman in question? If she is a kind, nice person, she will help you defeat your anxieties.

Q: It seems to me that orgasm relieves my menstrual pain. Is that possible?

A: Yes, it is well documented that this happens in some women.