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Dear Doc: Was my wife a lesbian?

Published:Monday | November 10, 2014 | 3:17 PM

Was my wife a lesbian?

Q: Doctor, I have discovered an appalling thing about my wife. We have been married for almost 20 years and I really love her very much. I know she loves me a lot.

But the other day, I was cleaning out an old cupboard, and at the back of it I found a few letters that seem to have been sent in 1999. They were written by another woman, who I think passed away some years ago.

To be honest, Doc, the letters were full of passion. The woman kept saying how she longed to be in my wife's arms and in her bed.

I do remember that, at that time, my wife was very close friends with that woman. She was a 'good companion' to her, at a time when life was rough for us - we had recently lost our only son.

But it has been a shock to me to think that my wife was having a lesbian affaire. What should I do?

A: Well, you don't really have any evidence that your wife actually practised lesbian sex with the deceased woman. So this woman was emotionally very close to your spouse and wanted to hug her and be physically close to her.

But there is no proof that your wife had any lesbian feelings or did anything sexual at all. And the letters do not say that they ever actually went to bed together.

I think you should remember that women do often seek emotional support from other women when they are under great stress. And your poor wife was obviously under colossal strain when her only son passed away. That was a terrible tragedy.

I must admit that it is not impossible that these two women had some sort of physical contact back in 1999. But women are more tactile and 'touchy-feely' than men. And it may be that they put their arms round each other and hugged - or even kissed.

But all of this was a long time ago. Also, the woman in question has passed on. So my view is that you should try to forget about these old letters.

You say that you and your wife love each other very much. I think you should concentrate on that and forget about what may or may not have happened in the distant past.

Q: I read your recent reply to a woman who is giving her husband 'a jacket' - as a result of a one-night stand in England.

I feel you should have advised the woman that this kind of casual sexual encounter is likely to give a person a VD.

A: Yes, you are absolutely right. A one-night stand with a stranger is very risky, and can often lead to infection with a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

STDs are particularly dangerous when you are pregnant, because some of them can infect the baby. So if the pregnant woman is reading this, I do urge her to have tests for sexual infection.

Q: My doctor has just put me on Viagra, but when I looked it up on the Internet, I discovered that it is dangerous for men with eye disorders!

Now, Doc, I have recurrent conjunctivitis. So would it be very dangerous for me to use Viagra?

A: No. The only eye disorder which causes problems with Viagra is a rare and serious one called 'retinitis pigmentosa'. You do not have that.

The fact that you get conjunctivitis is of no relevance to Viagra.

Q: Doc, I have to take a sterilisation operation. What does this involve?

Also, my husband thinks that if I do the operation, that will make it impossible for him to have sex with me. Is that true?

A: Female sterilisation is quite a minor operation these days. There are various ways of performing it. But, generally, the gyno makes two tiny cuts in the lower part of the belly. She pushes a sort of slim 'telescope' through one of them.

Working through the other little cut, she blocks your Fallopian tubes, which are the two channels that carry eggs (ova) from the ovaries to the womb.

Your husband is mistaken in thinking that there will be no more sex! After your next menses, you should be able to go ahead without any problem.

Q: I am a 32-year-old man and I have just met a beautiful woman who I want to marry. Is it too late for me to get treatment for premature ejaculation (PE)?

A: Not at all. Many men in their 30s are successfully treated for PE.

There are now various treatments available. Find a doctor who is interested in sexual medicine and he will try and help you. He may prescribe one of several tablets which will delay orgasm.

Alternatively, the famous 'squeeze technique' developed by Masters and Johnson is very effective in retraining men to last longer. But you would really need your partner to help you with this method. Details of the technique can be found on the Net. Just type in the words 'squeeze technique'.

Q: I am a woman who has been married and divorced three times. But, Doc, I have never had an orgasm.

Now, I am planning to get married again. He is a wonderful man, but do you think that he will be able to help me achieve a climax?

A: Yes. There is no reason at all why you shouldn't learn to 'discharge'. But you must talk with this man now and explain your situation to him. Be quite frank about the fact that you have not yet orgasmed.

If he is a nice, loving, romantic man, then there is a high chance that he will be able to help you to climax. But it is important that he understands that he is going to have to pay a lot of attention to your clitoris. It may be that you will need many sessions of intensive clitoral stimulation before you start orgasming.

Q: I am a man who had chlamydia when I was around 20. I am now 29 and about to embark on an important new relationship, Doc.

Can I safely assume that the chlamydia has gone? I do not want to give it to my new partner.

A: Of course you don't. And if you had adequate treatment with the right antibiotic when you were 20, there should be no trace of chlamydia in your body now.

But to be on the safe side, I think you should go to a doctor for a chlamydia test. Take with you a specimen of urine in a sterile container. Please do not have sex with your new lady until you have had this test.

Q: After I have had sex with my fiancÈ, his sperm runs out of me. Does this mean I won't be able to conceive, Doc?

A: This is a common query. You have nothing to worry about. It is normal for the 'man-fluid' to run out after sex.