Wed | Dec 7, 2016

Dear doc:My husband wants a threesome

Published:Sunday | January 4, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q Good day, Doctor. I have been married to my husband for two years, and to begin with, everything seemed great. Our sex life was very good. We do not have children, because he says that he does not want to be burdened by them. And that is why I am on the Pill.

I was pretty happy with our marriage, and I thought he was too. But three months ago, he began to suggest to me that it would be kind of nice if we invited his best friend into our bed. I was shocked, but a little excited.

He and this other guy have been friends since they were at school together. He was even the best man at our wedding.

I have to admit that he is very handsome and very sexy. If I had never met my husband, I would certainly have been interested in going out with him and maybe going to bed with him. And I know that he is sexually interested in me, judging by one or two hints that he has dropped.

However, I am not so happy with the idea of inviting him into our marriage bed. My husband keeps telling me that it would be a lot of fun. He says that I would experience enormous pleasure having sex with two men, one immediately after the other.

Last week, he told me that he had talked to his friend about it and he is apparently very enthusiastic. My spouse claims that his friend is desperate to have my body. And my husband would like to watch that.

So what do you think is going on here, Doc? Do you feel that this suggests that my husband is secretly homosexual? Maybe he wants to do this so that he can have gay sex with his friend?

A I do not think it is as simple as that. If your husband was gay, he would have gone ahead and had sex with his friend. There would be no need to involve you. I suppose it is just possible that your spouse really is gay and that he wants to use you as bait in order to get his friend into bed. But that does not seem very likely.

Another possibility is that your man is actually bisexual and that is why he likes the idea of being in bed with a woman and a man at the same time.

But surprising as it may be to you, the fact is that quite a lot of superficially normal men are very turned on by the idea of sharing a woman with another man. That is why two men-one-woman is such a popular subject for pornography. If you dont believe me, try typing those four words into Google. You will immediately be offered around 159 million different sites (admittedly, some of which are not sexual).

However, the really important thing here is the state of your marriage! It seems to me that you have been married for only two years to a man who doesnt want to give you children, and already, he is trying to make a present of you to another man while he watches.

This appears to suggest that he cannot really love you. And I am afraid that I can see the big word divorce on the horizon.

My advice to you would be to see a marriage guidance expert. Try to persuade your husband to go along with you. And on no account have anything to do with that crazy plan for three in a bed.

How safe is the condom?

Q. My wife and I have always used the condom, but how safe is it?

I have heard friends say that it is only 80 per cent safe. If that is really true, we should be expecting my wife to conceive any day soon!

A. No, it is not true. But the thing that you have to remember about the condom is that you must use it properly. If you dont, then it will fail.

Some of the common mistakes people make when using the condom include:

Handling the device roughly, or catching it with your fingernails so that it splits.

Using it for oral sex the womans sharp teeth tear it.

Putting it on half-way through intercourse instead of before you enter the vagina.

If you do not commit such mistakes, then the safety rate of your condoms is likely to be around 99 per cent. What that means is that, if 100 couples used condoms for a year, only one woman would get pregnant.

Those are really pretty good odds.

Cure for clap

Q. I think I may have caught the clap from a professional woman who I met in Kingston last week. Doc, I know that the treatment is penicillin, but I have a big, big problem because I am one of the few men who is allergic to penicillin!

So what can I do? Is there any chance that the condition will go away on its own?

A. No, it wont go away on its own. So you must go to a doctor or clinic and get yourself properly diagnosed and treated.

Now, you are a little mistaken in thinking that only a few people are allergic to penicillin. A lot of men and women are.

But fortunately, scientists have come up with several other antibiotics which can be used to cure gonorrhoea. And in any case, penicillin is not used so much these days because many strains of the germ have become resistant to it. So please, get yourself tested and treated right away.

Very important: Do not have sex with your wife, or anybody else for that matter, until you have been pronounced cured!

I orgasm only with oral sex

Q. Doc, my husband and I have not been married very long. And before I met him, I had very little sexual experience.

My problem is this. I find it very easy to have an orgasm when he is performing oral sex on me. But, so far, I have not managed to do it in other ways like during intercourse.

Why?

A. The reason why you find it easy to discharge as a result of oral sex is that this practice produces very intense sensations on the clitoris. Ordinary intercourse does not do that.

What you need to do now is to learn how to climax in other ways. For instance, ask your man to stimulate your clitoris with his fingertips in the same way as he does with his tongue. Another useful plan is to let him use a vibrator on the clitoris. Try that before and during intercourse.

He can feel the coil

Q. My wife is now using a coil, Doc. During sex, I can feel quite a nice tickling sensation.

Does this matter?

A No, not at all. Many men experience the tickling feeling, which is caused from the threads of the coil.