Fri | Sep 21, 2018

Marrying an older woman

Published:Sunday | February 22, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q Doctor, I am about to marry a beautiful woman who is older than me. We have not had sex yet, because she does not want to 'do it' until we are safely married.

But I am concerned about one thing, some of my friends have told me that because she is older, sex will be 'difficult.' They are saying that she will be 'dry' and that will make it painful.

Is this true? Are older women really dry? And will we be able to have sex?

A I am quite sure that you will be able to have sex with this beautiful woman. You have not told me how old she is, or how old you are. But I can offer you some basic facts about female physiology.

Young women generally produce a great amount of fluid from the vaginal walls when they are sexually aroused. But as a rule, they have to be feeling happy and relaxed and romantic at the time!

As a woman gets older, she generally tends to produce slightly smaller volumes of vaginal secretion - though there is usually more than enough to make everything well-lubricated and pleasurable.

During menopause, there is a decrease in female hormone levels. This does quite often cause a reduction in vaginal secretion. That is why so many women buy sex lubricants, like the famous K-Y Jelly-countless other vaginal lubricants are available.

In cases where a simple sex 'lube' is not enough, it is usual for a doctor to prescribe a hormone-containing vaginal cream for the woman. That generally makes everything nice and supple.

So I really do not think that you need to worry about the sexual abilities of your bride-to-be. Please treat her gently and be romantic in bed, and I'm sure that everything will work out all right.


Am I a lesbian?


Q I am a 25-year-old woman and I am slightly concerned as to whether I have lesbian tendencies. Can you advise me?

As a teenager, I seemed to be 'turned on' by both men and women. I fantasised about Hollywood stars - both male and female. But when I got into my 20s, I only dated men. A few years ago, I got married. But the marriage did not last. After 18 months we split up.

Since then, I have found that I seem to be more attracted to both men and women. In fact, recently, I have slept with more women than men.

So am I a lesbian?

ABased on the information you have given me, I would say that you are probably bi-sexual. To explore this matter further, you could consult a counsellor or therapist.


'Boys night out' put



my wife in danger


Q Doctor, I urgently need your clinical advice. I am married to a woman who I really love. But on a recent 'boys night out', I had far too much to drink. And I ended up kissing and hugging in the back of a club with a girl who I guess was a 'professional.'

I am ashamed to admit this, but I gave her some money and she gave me a blow job. Immediately after it was over, I regretted it. Fortunately, my friends got me home.

I knew what I had done was very wrong. Most important, I have not had sex with my wife since then. And my question is this: could that stupid 'sex act' in the nightclub have given me a VD?

A Well, your tale is certainly a warning to people to avoid having too much to drink! Also, a good rule is never to have any kind of sex when you are drunk. That applies to both men and women.

Now, fortunately, this 'lady of the night' only gave you oral sex. I say 'fortunately' because of the fact that a blow job carries less risks than full sexual intercourse does. And of course, it carries no risk of causing a pregnancy.

But oral sex can pass on some sexually-transmitted infections (STIs). It can transmit:

• Gonorrhoea ('the clap')

• Chlamydia

• Herpes

• Rarely, syphilis

• Occasionally, HIV.

So you definitely ran a risk with this woman. And you were quite right to avoid sex with your spouse for the moment. That decision may well have protected her health. Now you must go to a clinic, or a doctor who can arrange some tests for STIs.

And if you have caught anything, you must have a full course of treatment before you resume sex with your wife.


Wary of ovarian cancer


Q Doc, I am very scared of ovarian cancer. I think that a few women in my family have died of it, also one of my friends.

Is it caused from sex? And what are the symptoms?

ACancer of the ovary is a terrible disease. Yet, many women know nothing about it.

It is not caused from sex. We do not know the cause, although latest research has shown that it is very slightly commoner in women who have taken HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Also, there is sometimes a family history of ovarian cancer - and I note that you have had relatives who died from the disease.

Your two ovaries are located in the lowest part of your belly, one on each side. Their main job in life is to release an ovum (egg) once a month. They also produce female hormones.

Unfortunately, there are occasions when the cells inside an ovary simply 'go mad,' and start producing lots of malignant (cancerous) tissue. Unless the condition is treated promptly, it can kill you.

Therefore, it is important for every woman to be aware of the possible symptoms of ovarian cancer. These include:

* Persistent pain in the lower part of the belly;

* Unexplained bloating - that is, increased tummy size, with a 'puffed up' feeling;

* Difficulty in eating, because you feel full so quickly.

Sounds like you don't have any symptoms. But in light of your family history of ovarian cancer, I think you should have a check-up from a doctor preferably a gynaecologist.

He/she can advise you as to whether there is any chance that you carry a gene that causes some cases of ovarian cancer. She will, of course, examine you carefully.

Where there is the slightest suspicion of ovarian cancer, a woman should have these tests:

* A blood test called CA - 125;

* A screening examination called Trans-Vaginal Ultrasound.

I am sure you will be OK, but as your family history is a little suspicious, please do go and see that doctor.


No clue about



female orgasms


Q As a man, I just can't understand women and their orgasms. During my life, I guess I must have had at least a dozen girlfriends - and two wives.

Most of them seem to have had trouble in discharging, and I cannot understand why? After all, I can climax easily enough.

A Yes, but that is because you are a man! Women are different. They cannot climax as easily. In view of your record, I don't think you are very good at making women climax. Maybe you should take some lessons.