Tue | Oct 17, 2017

A guy in really big trouble

Published:Sunday | March 1, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q Good day, Doctor. I am a man with some sexual troubles and I would appreciate some good advice. I have been happily married for more than 12 years. My wife and I have several children.

Well, six months ago, I met a very pretty young widow who lives in a town not far from us. She gave me the big 'come on', so what happened was not entirely my fault.

When she started making a sexual play for me, I thought 'Why not?'. I figured that a little fun would do no harm and that no one would ever know about it. So I agreed to sleep with her. And we had a great time.

For the next few months, we met regularly at her house. I would spend a few of hours with her before going home. I liked her a lot. But I regarded this relationship as sexual and not emotional.

However, Doctor, soon after Christmas, things began to change. She became more demanding, and wanted to know where I was on the other days of the week. She kept asking me if I had a girlfriend anywhere else. Also, she seemed to get annoyed that I was also having sex with my wife.

Two weeks ago, matters sort of came to a head. She started screaming at me that I didn't love her. (In fact, I can't remember ever saying that I did!) She threatened to expose me by telling my boss that we were having an affair.

Worst of all, she started saying that she might tell my wife! She knows my wife's workplace phone number, and she says she could phone her office.

And, of course, she still wants me to have sex with her. She demands that we meet once or twice a week and have sex on each occasion. During intercourse, she screams and yells at me to urge me on, and tries to scratch my back. I am terrified that my wife might see these marks.

Doctor, it is obvious that she wants me to leave my wife and children and come and live with her. She talks about 'When we are married ...' and stuff like that.

But I don't want to marry her. I love my wife. I am feeling so depressed and can't sleep.

So I wish I had never got into this, Doctor. What would you advise me to do?

A Well, your story is a terrible warning to married men who feel like straying. Lots of men think that it won't matter if they do a little cheating. Like you, they imagine that a relationship with an attractive woman will be just sexual and not emotional.

Sadly, all too often, it doesn't work out that way. The other woman gets jealous of the wife; she demands more of the man's time; she wants him to get divorced and marry her. This a story which I have seen played out again and again.

Well, you say you love your wife. And it appears that you do not actually love this woman.

You clearly don't want to leave your wife and children and seek a divorce.

Therefore, you have to take decisive action now. What I recommend is this four-point plan:

1. You must stop having sex with this woman right away;

2. You shouldn't even go and see her anymore;

3. Tell her it is all over;

4. Speak to your boss and inform him that he may be getting a phone call from an angry woman.

What must you do about your wife? I am afraid that this is going to be very difficult. But I think you are going to have to tell her what has happened. If she found out through a call from the 'merry widow', that would be pretty awful.

It is not going to be easy to tell your spouse, but I feel you must sit her down in a quiet room and explain it to her. Don't forget to remind her that you love her.

Finally, I am sorry to hear that you have been depressed. You must see a doctor about that as soon as possible, because you need treatment. Also, it would be helpful if you could get some practical support and advice from a reliable and experienced man in your neck of the woods, like a counsellor or a minister of religion.

Q I am a divorced woman and I hadn't had sex for about two years. But a few days ago, an old boyfriend returned to the island and we spent a fantastic night together. And I do mean all night, Doc.

But the result has been that my clitoris is really sore. I can feel it all day.

Is that OK, Doctor? Or have I got something serious?

A No, you haven't. It is normal for a woman who is unaccustomed to very vigorous sex to experience 'sore clitoris syndrome' for some days afterwards.

But, if it hasn't cleared up within another week, please check with a doctor.

Q Doctor, I have seen where you have mentioned severe orgasm pain in women. But I am a man and I am getting pain when I discharge.

Why is this happening, please?

A When a man gets pain when he climaxes, that is usually an indication that he has something wrong with his prostate gland.

So you need to get to a doctor and have your prostate examined. Do not delay.

Q I am thinking of doing a female sterilisation operation. Will that stop my menses?

A No, it won't. The usual form of female sterilisation involves blocking or clipping the two Fallopian tubes. That will not affect the menses.

There are some people who tell you that sterilisation makes the periods heavier. But that is not true.

Q Whenever I have sex, my semen comes out brown. This has been so for a month,

Why is it happening, Doctor?

A This indicates that you are bleeding somewhere inside. The cause of the blood loss may not be serious, but you must see a doctor right away.

You should make an appointment with a urologist (that is, a urological surgeon).

Q Could I lessen my risk of cervical cancer by insisting that men always wear condoms when having sex with me?

A Possibly, though this has not yet been scientifically proven. Cancer of the cervix is mostly caused by the HPV virus, caught from a sex partner. So anything you can do to prevent transmission of this virus is good.

Also, condoms do protect you against a lot of other things, including pregnancy.

Q I have accidentally conceived while swimming in Negril, Doctor. Could the seawater harm my baby?

A No. This type of conception happens sometimes, and gynos say that the water poses no danger to the resultant child.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com.